Wednesday, September 28, 2005

15 years of furry contacts

Meme was 15 years and 11 days old. That means only 27 years of my life that I have lived without Meme. She used to sleep in my bed with me, she tried to kick me off the bed because I was taking up too much of her space. We used to share food together, whatever I ate, she ate. So much for the dog-food-for-dog-only theory, she was a pure bred Basset, she lived for 15 years, who said human food is not good for dogs. The only food that she came to not liking in her old age were cucumber and squash, other than that, she ate anything, raw or cooked, including vegetables. She caught lots of cockroaches, but only caught a baby bunny once when we lived in Scott Air Force Base in Southern Illinois (Bassets hunts rabbits). She would not let go of it, our body-building neighbour forced her mouth open to get the bunny out, quite gross. Our first apartment was next to a cemetery, she used to run and run and run in the cemetery chasing squirrels. She once ripped a toe-nail out from running in the cemetery, it grew back, and that didn't stop her from running more. She would chase the squirrels up the trees, then she put her front paws up the trees and barked at them.
She unzipped my luggage and stole dried shitake mushroom, ate US$80 worth of the delicacy, I just brought those back from Hong Kong, I just got off the plane, left the luggage in the house to go and get some dinner. She stole shrimp cavier noodles, ate about two dozens, the last couple of dried noodle cakes she couldn't finish, she was too full. She dragged a whole pound of frozen raw ground beef off the counter-top, even she only stood about 15 inches tall, half hour later when we returned home, what's left was the plastic wrap and the styrofoam plate, not one bit of meat was in sight, she still beg for dinner that night, she didn't get any. She opened a tupperware box and enjoyed two dozens of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. She must be happy to see Dan left an opened two-pound bag of M & M's on the coffee table, only a few was eaten by Dan before we went out for dinner that night, she ate half a bag of the M & M's, that was a nice dessert for her. I guess she didn't finish all of it because it made her feel sick. She had chocolate looking poop for a day.
Several vets told us she wouldn't live another 6 months when she was about 10 and 12 years old, but somehow she outlived all the prophecies. She had ultrasound on her tummy, on her heart and her lungs. She was fine.
She like to take looooonnnnnnngggg walks, 2 hours was preferred, 1 hour is OK, not quite enough. She was a sloppy drinker, got to have a towel ready if you didn't want her to wet you all over your lap.
She was such a fun dog, I miss her very much.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

First day without Meme

Meme is gone. Yesterday, when I cleaned her wound, I found maggots in her wound, I killed some, but three went back inside. She was trying to scratch afterwards, obviously, she was quite uncomfortable. I knew it was time. We could take her to the vet and make her go through pain and have it cleaned out, but then the wound will even be larger and I don't think it will heal, and it is more prone to infection. I don't think want her to go through all that pain.
She hadn't been walking well in the past two weeks, she was slow before, but in the past two weeks, she was having difficulty standing up, and she couldn't walk across the room without laying down several times. She lost interests to go outside, she would go do her business and came right back home. She wouldn't even walk far enough to the grass, just stayed close to the patio. She was gradually losing control of her bladder. When she walked up to the patio door, she was anticipating the peeing motion, and she would pee inside the house, didn't make it outside.
We were to put her down Monday when the vet's office is opened, but I couldn't stand having to antipicate her death, it was too hard. I would much rather grieve the lost then to grieve the anticipation of her death. So Dan and I took her to an emergency vet clinic. Mrs. Iris Feinberg came over to stay in the house just in case Kioni woke up.
It was the most difficult thing to do. Meme was gone in seconds after the injection. The vet said her brain stopped functioning before her heart stopped, she didn't even realize she was dying.
This morning was very hard. I kept telling myself I didn't have to get up to let her out, I didn't have to feed her. When I came down with Kioni, the usual spot where her food and water bowl were was empty. The usual spots where she laid was empty, there were still fingernail marks that she made on the carpet from the night before, the indent of the pillow that she slept on was still there, but there was no Meme.
I saw her every week until she was one, I have had her since she was one year old. She was 15 years and 11 days old. She was born in Australia, moved to Hong Kong, lived there until 6, then move to the U.S., lived 9 more years, died in Illionis.
Undoubtly, she lived an enjoyable good life, the vet said he has never seen a Basset Hound this old.
She brought a lot of joy to my life, she made me laugh, she took long walks with me. She was my faithful companion when I first moved here, she was the only thing that reminded me of Hong Kong, she was my baby before Kioni was born. I love her.
Goodbye Meme. It is very hard to let you go. I know it is for your good, you are not suffering anymore, the tumors are not boring you anymore, your legs are not hurting anymore, your blindness is not affecting you anymore, and surely not the maggots.
You were a good dog, thank you for being with me through lots of ups and downs. It is hard to say goodbye, but there is always an end to life.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Ready to say goodbye?

Meme started to have serious difficulty walking two days ago (Monday). I was at home because Dan went to Minneapolis for Missions Orientation. I realize that Meme was not able to get up most of the time, and even when she could, she would walk for a couple of steps and then would fall down. She would bark because she wanted to get to the water or wanted to go out, but physically, she was unable to.
She is still eating well, last night she barked at 3:00am, I went downstairs and found her on the floor in the hallway, she was in the area where the runner ends, she couldn't get up because the floor is too slippery. I let her out, well, more like pick her up so that she could go. She then walked back into the house, couldn't walk a step further, just plop herself down right in front of the sliding door. She stayed there for a long while, slept some more, then she woke up licking her lips. I realized that she wanted water. I brought the water to her, she drank half a bottle!!! Then she slept some more. After some time, she wanted to get up again, but after taking one step, she fell down and stayed there for some more time until Kioni woke up at 6:40am.

It is so hard to watch my dog of 15 years struggle like this. I have, in my mind, thought about putting her down over and over in the past two days. I think I am finally a bit more ready than a month ago. However, I still don't know if she is ready. I don't think she wants to live like this, though. I just don't want to be sorry or wish I have done it two months later.

Monday, September 19, 2005

七月一日

二零零六年七月一日是我們結婚十年零一個月的日子,也十分可能是我終結在三一神學院事奉的日子。老板說要有個新舊人交替的日子,他強烈建議那日子是七月一日。雖然我一天不交說要離開,我老板也沒有我辦法,但是他一再強調要有個交替的日子,我也不好和他強辯。
我 聽見之後心中沉了一下,在過去四年來,全靠我在三一的工作,我和DAN才能夠交學費、吃飯、供樓、交水電費和醫療保險。在祺祺出生之後,我的工作就會變 得不大一樣了。老實說,我寧可在家作全職媽媽。但是現實不容許我作這個選擇,在過去的二十個月來我唯有乖乖的去上班。我不是我不喜歡我的工作,相反地,這 份工作十分有意思,也有永恆的價值。但是與作全職媽媽比較起來,就有天淵之別了。
想到明年七月一日我就不用再上班,心中有點高興,終於可以作全職媽媽了。但是生活費、供樓錢和醫療保險又從何而來呢?到時候我們籌款到菲律賓籌得怎樣呢?足夠我們生活嗎?樓賣得出去嗎?要把MEME人道毀滅嗎?
要到各州的教會去籌款聽起來就夠累了,更不用說要帶著才兩歲大的祺祺坐長途車到處去。這一切想起來就頭痛,唯有把一切交給神。
神既然把到菲律賓的意念放在我們心?,我們就看看祂怎樣為我們成就這一切細節。

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Crazy

Things have been going pretty crazy these days. A typical day is for me to get up in the morning, feed Kioni breakfast, get myself ready then rush off to work. Somedays when Kioni didn't get up until later in the morning, I can't give her breakfast, Dan will have to do it. Dan cares for Kioni during the day. After work I rush home and take over, so that Dan can work in the library on his thesis from 5:30pm untill mid-night, he then comes home and work some more. So in the morning, it is hard for him to get up to take care of Kioni with just a few hours of sleep. He cannot work on his thesis during the day, toddlers just need so much attention all the time. Dan also has to work on support team building. Hopefully, all these craziness will end when we head off to the Philippines, because I won't be working full-time, Kioni really prefers to have me around in addition to daddy. She cries every morning when I leave for work.

My boss is discussing with me the possibility of handing over my position to a new person we interviewed last week. He wants this to happen on July 1, 2006, that is good and bad. Good because I can stay home and take care of all the details for the big move to the Philippines. Bad is that we will not have insurance nor income, but we won't know if we can head to the Philippines yet since we won't know how support-team building will go by then.

Lots of things we have to lift up to the Lord, and depend totally on His grace.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Meme's birthday


Today is Meme's 15th birthday. Our vet said he has never seen a bassett hound that lives this long. Though she has been blind for 4 years and has tumors all over her. She still have a great sniffer though, she still loves to eat so much that she would wake up from a deep sleep whenever that is a trace of food smell around the house.

When I get off work today, I will make a pot of rice and chicken for Meme. She loves rice and chicken, and food is the only thing she enjoys now. She doesn't go for walks anymore, her joints hurt, and it is not fun when you cannot see what's going on around you.

We know her time with us is not going to be long, she sometimes has difficulty standing up, or maintaining her balance if she walks too fast. I have been praying that God will let her die of old age, like in her sleep, rather than to have me make the decision and make that phone call to make an appointment with the vet to put her down. It is hard to have to part with a friend who has been with you for this long.

I know God has not created spirits in animals, I do believe that God will have animals in heaven. Why won't it be? God thought that they are nice addition to the earth when he created it, why not in heaven? I don't think I will see Meme there, but I will have other animals to enjoy.

My co-worker Barbara put her 19 year old cat, Jamie, to sleep yesterday. It was quite an emotional day for her. She then buried him in her backyard underneath the lilac bushes where Jamie always loved to lay under. The whole family participated the 'ceremony', but that was not easy. She was still teary eyed this morning when we talked about it. Some people don't understand why we animal lovers cry this long and hard when we lose a pet. Well, the truth is, they are not just pets, they are part of the family for a very long time. In fact, I know Meme longer than I know Dan.

Even though I am well prepared for the day when Meme will not be with me anymore, but nothing will prepare me when that day arrives. I will grief, that's for sure. It is strange to talk about her death on her birthday, isn't it?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Accepted

Dan and I are accepted by the EFCA-International Missions as missionaries to Cebu, Philippines. Our area of ministry will be teaching. We are in the process of support team building. Please see our website if you would like more detailed information, or photos of the school and the city we are going to: www.bush-family.info

In the middle of the EFCA-IM Candidate School in Minneapolis back in mid-July, we received news that Dan's father died of a massive heart attack. His body is cremated and we are going back to Michigan this weekend for the burial and a memorial service. We are not sure if his father was a believer, though he attended church regularly early on. He was only 57. Dan's parents are divorced, when dad died, he was living in South Carolina with his sister and attending U of SC for a BA.

School has started back at Trinity, my work involves a lot of academic advising, therefore, it has been non-stop for a while. Dan is under pressure of writing his thesis for the Master of Theology program, he will have to finish it by December.

Due to everything that happened, it has been difficult for me to concentrate for translation, I have tried to do a little bit at a time, but it has been challenging.

Prayers:

1) Support team building: pray that God will guide us to the churches and individuals whom he has ordained to join our support team, we know God has already provided, it is a matter of finding out who!

2) In the midst of all the stress that Dan and I have right now, pray that we will have peace and grace to handle everything that is on our plates.