18 years

It's been 18 years, how much have changed in this 18 years. However, the heartaches have not changed.

It's been 18 years since I suddenly realize that I AM a Chinese. It was pounded into my head and my heart by the tanks that rolled into the streets of Beijing, by the students' songs when they were camping out in Tienanmen Square, by the bloody photos that was broadcasted all over TV.

That was an important day, not only because of what had happened in Beijing, but it ushered the politically numb Hong Kong people into realizing politics is not only for a handful of people, but for anyone who is concerned about what kind of society you will live in. Hong Kong was only 7 years away from turning back over to China in 1989.

I have not been able to participate in any of the gatherings since I left Hong Kong in 1996, however, every year on June 4th, my heart was as heavy as I watched the events of that fateful night unfold. I still remember the sense of disbelieve and the tears that streamed down my face. I remember sitting in front of the TV saying, "This is not possible, this is not possible....." over and over, struggling to figure out what exactly was happening in front of my eyes.

For all those who gave their lives that day, I ache for their parents whom were not allowed to remember their sons and daughters at the place where they died. I ache for those who have been in prison for the past 18 years. I ache for the government that seemingly is becoming one of the world's super powers, yet, too weak to stand up in front of the world and admit they made a mistake.

Another year has passed, what will happen next year?