More holy?

Sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable when I think about our 'status' as missionaries, especially when people look at us and think 'Wow! You guys really love God!" "You scarificed a lot!"

We know in our hearts that we are just the same in our hearts as any Christians. We struggle to stay close to God, we struggle to be pure and holy, we struggle to obey God's will.

I started to have a taste of "you are holy than us" syndrome when I first got accepted into seminary. I remember even before I saw the inside of my seminary, friends at church already treated me like I suddenly know a lot about God and the Bible. Little did they know the reason why I went to seminary was because I felt like I was lacking knowledge in both!

Then came the time when I became a full-time worker "for God". I felt ashamed when believers thought I prayed 50 times a day and always got illuminated by the Holy Spirit when I read the Bible. Or they might say I had so much faith in God that they were ashamed of their distrust in God. Oh, boy! How I wish I could dig a hole and hide.

I sometimes asked myself if I am displaying myself as a holy person and that's why people would make those comments? Because if I was, I need to repent. The last thing I want to do is to make other people think that I obey better than they do, I have more faith than they do, and I always understand what the Bible says.