I love the rain

I love rainy days, always have and always will. Maybe because I am a melancholy, poetic person, rain brings much comfort, the gray sky and translucent crystal-like raindrops somehow calm me down, give me much to ponder on. I love all kinds of rain, silent rain, downpours, thunder and rainstorms, any kind. The only rain that has scared me so far, was when a tornado was approaching our house and a siren had gone off warning people to seek shelter. I had to hide in the bathtub with MeMe dog. Even so, it was comical, because MeMe dog hated baths, she would never willingly went inside a bathtub. I had to leave a trail of dog treats to lead her to the bathtub, and threw a bunch inside the tub. This time, she jumped inside the bathtub, no questions asked. I jumped in with her and held onto her until there was another signal indicating that we were safe.

竹脇無我

如果你七十年代係香港長大，就很可能為竹脇無我著迷過，二人世界、姿三四郎，當時都是我追看的戲集。如果你也在同一個年代長大，看看這短片，懷念一番吧！

Chill out, I got it!

I was chatting with my friend from seminary for the first time on Facebook, she asked me how we were doing in Aberdeen. Since we have been friends for 16 years, I did not hesitate to tell her that financially, we are tighter than ever. We need student loan to pay for Dan's tuition, the support of faithful churches and individuals to our ministry does help to pay the monthly rent, however, everyday expenses is still an uncertainty. It depends on the exchange rate, sometimes we have enough, sometimes we don't.

About a month or so after I shared it with my friend, she wrote to me saying that she is going to talk to a few people at her church to see if they would like to support us. I was quite surprised at her initiation, and extremely thankful, however, I was highly skeptical, wondering who in the world would support someone whom they have never heard of!

In fact, Dan and I were wondering if we should continue with this ministry, we would love to continue, because if only just one person is saved, it is all worth it. But if the funding is not sufficient, we just don't know how we can continue.

About a month after that email, she wrote to me again, telling me she has talked to three people and asked me to pray while they were making their decisions.

Not long after that, she told me one of the three potential supporters emailed her a list of questions, so I answered them all. My friend said when he decides that he is going to support us, he will write to me directly. A few days later, I got his email, he is going to support us! Not only that, he has made a 3 year committment, (depending on yearly review).

Now the interesting thing is, just days earlier, Dan and I were figuring out how we are going to pay for the ReachGlobal European Conference, which all missionaries in Europe have to attend.

Our account with ReachGlobal has two categories, one is our monthly salary, the second is ministry expense. The expenses of the conference can be taken out from the ministry expense, however, it can only be reimbursed when our overall account has over 4,000 USD in it.

The end of last year, our support level was low, and we had to stop our monthly salary for two months in order not to dip further down into the red. Since then, God has provided through various faithful supporters, and we are able to be paid monthly again. However, for another two months more, we cannot reimburse our ministry expenses, because we didn't have more than 4,000 USD in our account. What that means is that whatever ministry expenses we accumulate, we have to pay for them out of our salary. We are thankful that we do have enough to cover our ministry expense now, but paying for the whole trip for three people? That would put us right back into the hole!

However, ReachGlobal requires that we let them know our travel details before April 15th. Which means we have to book our plane tickets, train tickets, book hotel rooms, etc, with no time to figure out where the money will come from. Dan and I spent days online trying to get the cheapest plane tickets, we booked hostels, etc, but still wondering if, for the first time in my life, I will have to owe the credit card company money!

I was worried, my heart unsettled.

Little did I know, at the time when all those worries were overwhelming me, God has already prepared this supporter from afar, someone whom I have never met, never talked to, not even one direct email exchange, since we have been communicated once only, through my friend.

I didn't tell Dan about my friend's proposal because Dan tends to get quite stressed out when it is related to support. When I told him yesterday, he just laughed and said, "You have to thank Ella and tell her now we have money for groceries."

Then Dan started to wonder if our newest supporter knows "everything" about our ministry. I told him I think he knows as much as Ella knows, and as much as our newsletter has talked about. Then Dan said, "I wonder why he would support us without knowing EVERYTHING." (If you know Dan, you know how thorough a person he is.) I then answer him, "I think because God wants us to know it is not our efforts, our talks, our persuation that caused our supporters to support us, it is Him, and Him alone."

Not only God has provided financially, through Ella and this supporter, He is telling us that this ministry is to be continued. Keep on going even though the response might be slow. This is the biggest confirmation for me that we are to charge ahead, no matter what the outcome is.

When I thanked my friend Ella for what she has done, for her taking the initiation, for her not to say, "Go in peace, my sister," for her to follow up with actions. She wrote back and said, "Money is of so little significance in the God's kingdom."

I am surprised at how much worries I have gone through, while all these years, God has not failed, not even once, in taking care of us in every way. This has proven again that I am a person of little faith, but God doesn't condemn me for that, rather, He opens His arm and embraced me and tell me,

"Chill out, I got it!"
..

Go Freecycle!

Since we don't have anything nice for inviting friends home for a cup of tea, I decided that it would be a good idea to pay attention to Freecycle and see if anyone offers tea sets. Well, a lady did that one night, I wrote back and she immediately replied, she told me we actually have met in a Christian conference that we attended when we first arrived here! She is also a homeschool mom and we exchanged names and contact numbers. She remembers my name and since I am the first one to respond, she gave the set to me.

She told me the set was given to them for their wedding, but they never got around using it. They were still in their original wrapping material when we received it. We also joined the family for an afternoon of tea and scones, and some very nice chats.

Out of curiosity, I googled the name of the pattern (Gloria L553) and the company (Noritake), and guess what I found. The company was started by two Japanese brothers in New York over a hundred years ago, and the pattern was discontinued.

But when I look up those china replacement websites, I found out the set that we received actually costs a little fortune, well, as far as our current standard is concerned:

Sugar Bowl with Lid $34.99 (x2)
Creamer $29.99 (x2)
Plate $17.99 (x2)
Bread and Butter plate $8.99 (x12)
Cup and Saucer set $23.99 (x12)

Well, that comes to about $560 USD!!! (That's $4,340 HKD)

I told Kioni all she can do is touch them a bit, but definitely not drink with them until she can show me she doesn't drop things on the floor anymore. Well, maybe under tight supervision, I can give her a drink of Ribena from the nice cups. This is the nicest thing we have owned so far, other than our Mac computers. We better not break anything, or else, don't know if we could afford to replace them.

Thanks Fiona, for your generosity.

Brilliant mind

I am surprised how easily C.S. Lewis communicates with little minds, how brilliant it is to be able to pass over thoughts and emotions through simple words 45 years after he died! What kind of gift is that, to be able to write so many genre of literature and be so good at it! God truly bless some people with a brilliant mind, Lewis sure was one of them.

Kioni just finished reading The Magician's Nephew in the Chronicles of Narnia. She loves every single bit of it and asked to read the rest of the Chronicles. What a big mistake I made to leave my set of Chronicles of Narnia back in the U.S.! Well, I didn't think my 4 year old would be enjoying it that much, to tell the truth. So the best we can do for now is to show her the movie The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Some scenes in the movie are a bit too scary for her, like the scene where Aslan was killed. Kioni doesn't like see the "ugly dudes."

Kioni not only loves the story, she even starts imagining her stuff toy animals coming alive and living in Narnia. She makes her pet sheep toy BaaBaa come alive, and the sheep bite the head of the White Witch off! I at first thought it is not possible that a sheep can bite a person's head off, and it is also too violent. When I was set to correct her, I was reminded that in fantasy land, everything is possible. And wars are always violent, so I let it go.

我的父親

過去兩年多來多次整拾往時存下的物件，在一叠紙中發現了我在二十多年前，大學時代所寫的一篇文章。

寫於1986年6月19日 台灣大學

第一次看到爸爸滴眼淚，是在祖母的靈堂上。他並沒有哭，只是靜靜的 流淚。我們從小就聽他說祖母的偉大：祖母一個人領著七個小孩子從大陸逃難到香港，最大的才十七、八歲，爸爸是老四。從他平時的說話中，聽得出他懷念的故鄉 ﹣﹣ 那大房子和兒時嬉戲的庭園。祖母和兒女們在新界粉嶺賣飲料，叫「咖啡大王」，當時生活非常艱苦，是我們這幸福的一代體會不到的。可是有一點我是刻骨銘心的 看到了，就是爸爸的眼淚似乎在說：「樹欲靜而風不息，子欲養而親不在。」

爸爸很孝順老人家，我們小時候每週一次去探望住在伯父家的祖母，是必然的「節目」，我和弟妹有時候不想去，就會當場給他教訓一頓。爸爸會說沒有祖母就沒有 爸爸，沒有爸爸就沒有我們，所以我們一定要孝順祖母。另外，由於父母都要上班，我們姐弟三人都是由妹姨婆帶大的，從小到大，爸爸常常叮嚀我們一定要孝順姨 婆，沒有姨婆，我們不可能長得那麽壯健、活潑。孝慈觀念，就是從小時候潛移默化得來的。

爸爸因為限於環境，不可能受高深教育，他只唸到高中，可是他的領導才能令人驚訝。從賣票開始做起，在九龍巴士公司中，他今天已在外勤組管理數千部下。媽常說爸爸若多唸點書，成就必定驚人。他的深思熟慮和處理意外事件時的當機立斷，都不是平常我們心目中的爸爸所擁有的。他從來不會他看見的車禍的驚心動魄的場面向我們敍述，怕嚇倒我們，郤苦口婆心地提醒我們過馬路要千萬小心，不可亂衝亂撞。

爸爸帶給了我們最難忘的童年，海灘嬉水、砌沙堆；在名勝古蹟之間到處拍照；到大餐廳吃西餐。還記得他教我們怎樣拿刀叉、怎樣切牛排。記得有一次游泳後倦極 而歸，那時我們七、八歲吧！洗頭髮洗澡後就想睡，但頭髮仍未乾，爸爸就拿著毛巾幫我揉乾頭髮，另一隻手郤擋在我眼前，深怕燈光刺到我的眼睛。現在長大了， 才體會到那種是何等的慈愛，怪不得媽媽稱爸爸為「二十四孝爸爸」。我們對他的要求，除非是很不可能，否則他大多數都會滿足我們的心願。有時候甚至不用要 求，他會給我們一個意外的驚喜。

那時我才十二歲吧！爸爸知道我很喜歡小狗，有一天他如常的在晚上回家吃飯，那時我仍然在房間裏對著數學習題發呆。我只聽見咔的一聲，房門開了，爸爸一個箭 步衝進來，手中拿著一團毛茸茸的小毛球，往鋪滿了習題的桌子上一放，嘩！是一雙白毛小狗！當時我驚喜得話也說不出來了。爸爸就是這樣，幽默、風趣，且隨時 會弄得你手足無措。

有年好幾年農曆新年他剛好是當夜班，我們全家好夢方酣之際郤被吵醒了，聽得出來是由一個極不願意把別人吵醒的人所弄出來的聲音。爬下床來一看，原來是爸爸 抬著一支大桃花，他正把它那枝桃花抬到客廳中。他不管家中有沒有地方放這麽大一枝桃花，反正他看到又便宜又大又漂亮就買回來了。他不喜歡小的東西，因為他 的哲學是 ﹣﹣ 大就是美。因此家中無論買甚麽、養甚麽，都是以大為主。桌子、椅子、冰箱、電視機等都要大，養狗喜歡養德國狼犬。說到動物，一定要提這件事：弟弟在家中飼 養了用來做實驗竹的白老鼠。有一天，爸爸為了讓十多隻小白老鼠「舒展筋骨」，把牠們從籠子裏放到浴缸中跑步，白老鼠見有機可乘，就到處亂跑，搞得滿城風雨。

最為全家人傳頌至今的，是有一次他要買一套齊肩高的音響擴音器，但奈何房子太小，客廳放不下。但他說那對擴音器音質絕佳，不買實在太可惜了，所以他思前想後，終於給他想出了一個妙法，就是把因廚房太小而被推到客廳的冰箱搬回廚房，但是因為實在沒有位置了，所以爸爸說要把冰箱放在洗碗碟機上面！全家人一聽當場哄笑起來，洗碗碟機已有腰高，把冰箱放在上面，冰箱中的食物豈不是都要爬梯子才能拿得到了嗎？我們在笑聲中提出反對，爸爸郤說若這樣不行的話，就把洗碗碟機放在冰箱上又如何？這一說更非同小可，媽更笑得站不直腳。洗碗碟機放在高處，更本就不可能使用了。其實他也知道他的辦法是行不通的，只是他實在太想買那套擴音器了。他的幽默實在為全家帶來了不少歡樂氣氛。

除了買東西要以大為原則之外，他也吃得很多。所以從以前的「排骨祺」（排骨在廣州話為瘦的意思），變成了現在的「肥佬」。爸爸很喜歡吃飯，其他東西對他來 說都是「不頂肚」的（不夠飽）。就算媽精心泡製了數十隻上海餛飩給他吃，過了一會他仍是嚷著要吃飯才甘心。他自已吃得多，也要求我們吃得多。不止我們，就連他養的熱帶魚也如是。家中有一個五呎長橫放的水簇箱，其中魚口眾多，當然吃得也多，加上爸爸是雙倍餵飼的，所以魚兒都長得特快，顏色特別鮮艷，而且每尾都有營養過盛的傾向。爸爸最喜歡的一尾魚名叫「炮彈」，因為特別吃得多、長得胖、游得快，動作表情都比其他的魚都多，所以爸爸最疼牠。對魚兒尚且雙倍餵飼 了，你能想像他怎麼對待他寵愛有加妻子和兒女嗎？要是他煮麵給你吃，你跟他說你吃一個麵餅，他必定給你吃一個半麵餅。經驗告訴我們，以後我們想吃一個麵餅，就跟他說只吃半個，那麼他就會給你一個。可是後來這個「絕橋」給他看穿了，他仍是依然故我地煮一個半。皆因多年來不敢違背父命，因此全家都長得十分健碩。

對於我來台灣唸書一事，爸爸雖然非常贊成，郤是很依依不捨的。他很想我們多受教育，將來貢獻社會，他並且對子女們戴「四方帽」非常嚮往。近日看見學長學姐們和家人到處拍照，我已想像得到明年輪到我的時候，爸爸會笑得把眼睛瞇成一線，驕傲地撘著我的肩膀在校園拍照。今年妹妹在香港大學畢業，我想他更應老懷安慰了吧！媽曾對我說，在我離港到僑大的時候，爸爸老是長嗟短嘆。一來我是三姐弟中最有依賴性的一個，郤忽然離家而去，當然會傷心。二來兒女出國唸書對爸爸來說才是頭一遭，當然是不習慣女兒不在家。剛好那時正值英國進軍福克蘭羣島之際，爸爸就自我安慰地說：「英女皇尚且派她的兒子去戰場出生入死，我女兒只是去求學，又為何捨不得她呢！」那時才真正的體會到父親對我有多麽的疼愛。妹妹考香港大學的時候，面試後在等結果，爸爸的焦心和擔掛簡直就像自已申請入學 一樣。結果妹妹批淮入學了，從爸爸如何雀躍是不難想像的。

常常強調他是一家之主的他，其實是非常民主的。我們喜歡做的事，只要不 是非法勾當，他從來不會反對的。妹妹信基督教的初期他不大高興，因為怕她誤信邪教，後來也就小事化無了，連弟弟也信了呢！爸爸有一種說話方式很可愛，沒有和他共住的人常會誤會，我們稱之為「假民主」。當他說：「湯好像不夠味道，你們認為要加點鹽嗎？」的時候，不熟悉他的人可能會回答說夠味道了，不用加鹽 了。這就大大的誤解了他的意思，因為其實他是在說：「湯不夠味道，要加點鹽。」另外，去飲茶的時候他一直喊著叫弟弟叫一碗飯吃，又說弟弟肚子一定很餓，其實就是他自已肚子餓得發慌了。他這種說話方式為家中帶來了不少歡笑聲，因為我們很多時候會模仿他的說話方式，十分好玩。他又很喜歡一面吃飯，一面叫人挾菜挾肉：「嘉洛（我妹妹）吃魷魚啦！很新鮮的呀！」「迅立（我弟弟）吃這塊牛腩，很嫩的呢！」在飯桌上坐他兩旁的因此經常滿碗都是菜。自從我來了台 灣唸書之後，妹妹又在大學宿舍寄宿，家中就只剩下媽媽和弟弟，但是他吃飯的時候仍然會把我和妹妹的名字叫在口邊：「嘉洛不回來吃飯真笨，看這條魚多新 鮮！」

雖然爸爸吃很多，但是他也很注意運動，他常常會去跑步，時不時摸著肚子自鳴得意的說自已的大肚子不見了。有一次去館子吃飯時他要喝啤酒，媽媽勸他說喝啤酒會得大肚子，叫他不要喝了，可是他得意的說他已成功地減肥了，並摸著肚皮說：「你看我的大肚子沒有了！」說時遲那時快，館子的伙計拿著菜牌走過來問他： 「肥佬，看看吃甚麼菜！」

爸爸就是那麼慈愛、風趣、活潑和感情豐富的人，每次和家人說起他的趣事，總會笑得合不攏咀。他是我們家中的靈魂人物，他上班的時候，家中總是靜悄悄的， 只要他一回家，就一定有很多趣事發生。雖然我們再也不像以前那樣需要他帶我們到海灘游泳，到「爵士餐廳」吃西餐，到海運大廈的大空地上跑跑跳跳，這些地方，我們現在自已都會去了，但是我們仍要需要他的愛。事實上，他給我們的愛從來沒有停止過。只是人長大了，才能更深的體會到爸爸對我們的愛。

雖然爸爸從來沒有對我們說過「我愛你」這三個字，但他一直以來都以各種行動來表明他對我們的愛有多深。我們從未曾停止過感受他那真切的關懷和庇護。他對家庭的認真、負責、積極的態度，使全家都活在幸福裏。

基於中國人的含蓄，我從來沒有在他面前說過：「我愛你！」爸爸，請容我在這裏說一聲：「爸爸，我愛你！」

Flying with a corpse

Sunday Times reports:

A British Airways passenger travelling first class has described how he woke up on a long-haul flight to find that cabin A BRITISH Airways passenger travelling first class has described how he woke up on a long-haul flight to find that cabin crew had placed a corpse in his row.

The body of a woman in her seventies, who died after the plane left Delhi for Heathrow, was carried by cabin staff from economy to first class, where there was more space. Her body was propped up in a seat, using pillows.

The woman’s daughter accompanied the corpse, and spent the rest of the journey wailing in grief.

Paul Trinder, who awoke to see the body at the end of his row, last week described the journey as “deeply disturbing”, and complained that the airline dismissed his concerns by telling him to “get over it”.

“It was a complete mess — they seemed to have no proper plans in place to deal with the situation,” said Trinder, 54, a businessman from Brackley, Northamptonshire.

The woman died during a nine-hour flight on a Boeing 747. Trinder was catching up on sleep when he was woken by a commotion and opened his eyes to see staff manoeuvring the body into a seat.

“I didn’t have a clue what was going on. The stewards just plonked the body down without saying a thing. I remember looking at this frail, sparrow-like woman and thinking she was very ill,” said Trinder.

“She kept slipping under the seatbelt and moving about with the motion of the plane. When I asked what was going on I was shocked to hear she was dead.”

The woman’s daughter and son-in-law arrived soon after and began grieving. Trinder said: “It was terrifying. I put my earplugs in but couldn’t get away from the fact that there was a woman wailing at the top of her voice just yards away. It was a really intense, primal sound.

“I felt helpless. Grief is a very personal thing; it’s not as if there was anything I could do or say.”

Trinder, chief executive of Capital Safety, which makes products for the building industry, holds a BA gold card and travels more than 200,000 miles a year with the airline.

He became particularly concerned about the state of the body. “When you have a decaying body on a plane at room temperature for more than five hours there are significant health and safety risks,” he said.

After the plane landed, those in first class remained on board for an hour before police and a coroner gave the all-clear.

“The police even started interviewing me as a potential witness, although I had no idea what had happened to the woman. I just kept thinking to myself: ‘I’ve paid more than £3,000 for this’,” Trinder said.

When contacted by BA about the complaint, Trinder says he was told he would not be compensated and should “get over” the incident.

BA said the dead woman was taken into first class because the rest of the plane was full.

A spokesman said: “When a customer passes away on board it is always difficult and we apologise for any distress caused.”

He said there were about 10 deaths each year out of 36m passengers.

Other carriers use different procedures. Singapore Airlines has introduced “corpse cupboards” on its Airbus 340-500 aircraft. Cabin crews use the locker if there is no empty row of seats to place a corpse.

Past, Present, Future

Since I have started auditing the Chinese Church History course this Spring semester, every Monday when I left the two and a half hour class, I left with a heavy heart, I would find myself arriving home without knowing how I got there, which is quite scary. Not that Dr. Cook did not do a good job explaining the subject, quite to the contrary, he is doing such a good job that the history comes alive, everything suddenly means so much to me, and THAT is what is weighing on me. The past 200 years of Chinese history was nothing but a vast display of chaos and hopelessness. I can't help but ask where is China going in the future with this much baggage on her back?
I came to partial realization of my identity as a Chinese on June 4th, 1989, when the tanks rolled into Tienanmen Square, I found myself weeping uncontrollably in front of the TV. I remember my mom looking at me with a strange expression on her face, then she said, "It's OK, the tanks are not in Hong Kong." I was there for every single protest rally and memorial service, until I got married and left Hong Kong in 1996. (There were rumors that some secret service people video-recorded those rallies to see who were in there, so I am not worried that this exposure will cause my name to be listed on a certain blacklist, because if they indeed did that, they already know who I am. If this rumor is just a rumor, then, oh well, as Forrest Gump said, "stupid is as stupid does.")
Growing up in Hong Kong, I never felt oppressed as someone living in a colony. The British has brought countless good things into Hong Kong, an excellent law system, sound civil education, laissez faire policy, and using English as the official language has no doubt helped Hong Kong advanced to the status of a major international city. One thing that was never stressed in the classroom though, and understandably so, was that we were Chinese. We were taught that we were 'citizens of Hong Kong'. This made perfect sense since those of us who were born in Hong Kong held British passports with a big old UK seal right in the middle. Inside, where it said 'Nationality', it was printed 'British'.
At the time when I was born, China had just gone through the Great Leap Forward, where millions and millions of people died of starvation. There was virtually no news coming out from China, except 'rumors' of people dying. Not only did we not know what was going on in China, it did not seem like we cared, even though one of my father's older sisters, whom refused to flee to Hong Kong in 1949, was still in China. It was not until at least 10 years after her death that we learned that she was sent to a labour camp in Xinjiang. With her being the daughter of a wealthy landlord, I will not be surprised if she was put into the catagory of 'extreme rightist', which guaranteed her life and the lives that were connected to her (her husband's and two sons') extraordinary difficult, however, starvation took her life first. I need to find out more about her life from her two sons, whom eventually fled China by swimming to Hong Kong for days in the South China Sea, fighting off sharks. They are now in their 50s, living comfortably in Hong Kong.
My father often told us that the communists took EVERYTHING away from them. My paternal grandfather was a landlord and a businessman, he was an extremely wealthy man with seven wives, the seventh one being my grandmother. He owned blocks and blocks of prime real estates in Guangzhou, my father still remembers the huge house they lived in. My maternal grandfather was a chic entrepreneur, he owned a construction company in Shanghai, extravagant business luncheons and parties were everyday events for him. (Later while in Hong Kong, he disapproved of my father pursuing my mother, saying, "The tip I give to waiters in a meal is more than what that guy (my father) made in a month!" My mother verifies that it was true. My father at that time worked in my grandfather's construction company. Don't you think it should have prompted my grandfather to consider paying his employees better?
When the communists took over in 1949, both grandfathers lost all that they had. My paternal grandmother fled to Hong Kong on foot with seven kids in tow and with practically no money. At that time, my paternal grandfather had already past away. My father remembers the hardships they had to endure when they struggled just to stay alive after arriving in Hong Kong. My maternal grandfather was able to go to Hong Kong with some money and opened up a construction company again in a much smaller scale. My mother was born in Hong Kong into this relatively well to do family. So she has less things to say about the communist. However, she did go to a Kuomintang school, so she got some 'education' as to who the communists were also.
When China finally opened up, my father was the first one in his family to go visit. The reason being most of my uncles were in the Royal Police Force, and my oldest uncle was actually in the political section of the police force, namely, they kept the communists' activities in check! They were afraid to go back, I guess the memories of the how everything was seized from them was still fresh in their minds. My parents, my younger brother and I boarded a big ship in Hong Kong, overnight we arrived in a port in Guangzhou, that was August of 1980. In the warm summer morning mist, we stood on the deck overlooking China, it was the first time (except my father) that we saw China. The first words my father said were, "This place has not changed in 30 years!" As I look at the land, I was thinking, 'This is my root. But how can it be? How can it look so different from Hong Kong!"
Did not think too much about that trip after we went back to Hong Kong, I only remembered how inexpensive everything was, how dull their clothing colours were, and how lack of smile everyone was. Though there were 'Friendship Stores' everywhere, people who worked there were hardly 'friendly'. I was not interested in knowing my 'roots', not interested in learning about China at that time. Afterall, my life in Hong Kong was great, there was no need to go back to my roots and explore them. We have a new life in Hong Kong, we are a new generation. I did not consider China as my mother-land until that earth-shaking event in 1989. It was impressed upon my heart from the images on TV that those people in Tienanmen Square and I are both Chinese.
The Chinese Church History class has moved into the time period when my grandparents were adults living in China, and my father was already born. I wonder what they were thinking in this chaotic period of time. Did they see that their lives were going to be changed so drastically? Did they even think for one moment that what they had built up will be yanked right out from their hands soon?
Attending this class has given me an unsettling desire to dig out as much as I can from my father, what happened when he was a teenager in China, what did he experienced, what does it mean for him to live under the communist's rule now in Hong Kong. I wanted to find out from my mother what did her father say about his life as an entrepreneur in Shanghai, what were the definitive events that made him decide that he had to leave Shanghai and everything that he had built up with his own hands. How has all these affect the way my parents live their lives? How does that affect us, their children? And how are we, my sister, my brother and I, are going to teach our children about our family, and about China. I want to be able to understand the past, so I can look into the future.
The future has become a bit complicated though now that I am not a 'British' anymore, rather an 'American'. It's ironical, isn't it? I am never officially a 'Chinese'. Though I know full well my identity in Christ, I have never come to full grasp of my identity on earth.
I never liked history, never understood it, never treasured it. Now I can see why people study history, and why people like Dr. Cook are crazy about it. We study history because the past is the present, and the future too.
P.S. My dear blog readers who are from Mainland China, it is a privilege to know you, I have learned from you how China has evolved all these years, and what China is like at the present time. This is a lesson that I will never learn from my family since they are not there to witness all the tremendous changes. The purpose of this post is not to criticize China, rather, recording the point of view that my parents have presented to me towards the life under the early communist rule in China.