Reality or Fantasy

 A response to an article a friend shared: "Beware Romantic Pornography"

That's a pretty good article, I am glad she pointed out what most people don't see.  I particularly like one line towards the end, "In other words boys and men may need to be civilized, but never feminized."  I hate (yes, I am using the word 'hate,") women whom make their boyfriends carry their little shinny pink handbags, that is completely feminizing the men, are their own tiny handbags too heavy to carry?  Even more disgusting is the fact that those men willingly, or unwillingly, carry the bags!!!  A grown man walking in the mall, getting on and off buses with a handbag in one arm and his girlfriend in another!   Mind-boggling!

Hong Kong guys are quite civilized, maybe because of the 100+ years of British rule, they know how to treat a lady, well, at least the guys I know, can't say if it is true for the newer generations.

I also find it extremely important when watching romantic movies to see what those movies really are, they are not documentaries, it is supposed to show the "impossible,"  that's why they are fun, because it's impossible, just like Superman.  Women and young ladies who watch these movies have to understand what they are watching, i.e., grow a critical brain.  Romantic comedies are supposed to take you out of reality for an hour or so, let you dream the impossible, and then you have to come back into  the real world.  Problems come when women confuse fantasy with reality and start building up an image of men in fantasy-land, just as problems come when you can't tell if Superman is real or fantasy, so you wear a red underwear, put on a red cape and fly out the 32nd floor window.


Using literature to explain, you will be in deep doo-doo if you read poetry like history and apocalyptic works (e.g., the book of Revelation) like fantasy.  Genre is such an important element when understanding and enjoying literature or movies.

The reason I love Korean drama, is that men are civilized, not feminized, it shows men, to a certain extend, how a civilized man should think or act, respecting, protecting the woman, and very often, withholding his feelings for the good of the woman, sacrificing himself for the woman.  However, I do not like their physical roughness towards women, dragging them by the wrists, yelling, but probably that's what Korean culture is like.

I love what the author of the article said to her girls, I am teaching Kioni the same thing, "One day look to marry a Christian man of faithful and strong character; whom they will respect and whose distinctly male characteristics they will appreciate; that I hope they will have a group of close women friends, and that they will never get them and their husbands confused."

However, I cringe at how she used the word 'pornography,' maybe she made up the term 'romantic pornography' just to draw attention?  If "twisting the perception for women about real men and how they 'ought' to behave toward women" amounts to pornography, then there are too many kinds of pornography in this world, and the largest group of pornographers are pastors, since so many "twisted the perception for the congregation about the real God and how he "ought" to behave towards his people."  I wish the author would have chosen another word for "pornography."

Placido Domingo, John Denver - Perhaps Love

Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm.

It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm.
And in those times of trouble, when you are most alone.
The memory of love will bring you home.

Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door.
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more.
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do.
The memory of love will see you through.

Oh love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel.
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel.
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go.
And some say love is everything, some say they don't know.

Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain.
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains.
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true.
My memories of love will be of you.

And some say love is holding on and some say letting go.
And some say love is everything, some say they don't know.

Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain ("change" in another version).
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains.
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true.
My memories of love will be of you.

竹脇無我

如果你七十年代係香港長大，就很可能為竹脇無我著迷過，二人世界、姿三四郎，當時都是我追看的戲集。如果你也在同一個年代長大，看看這短片，懷念一番吧！

Chinese restaurants

In the U.S., "authentic" Chinese restaurants often serve Szechuan food, Chop Suey and Pizza, and of course, the one and only "fortune cookies."

In Scotland, we see "Chinese" restaurants serving Chinese Take Away and "Fish and Chips". (In the photo above, I guess they permanently run out of fish.)

Now, with the hints above, guess where the following "Chinese" restaurants are located:

Chinese food + tortilla

Chinese food + sushi

Chinese food + paella

Chinese food + creme brulee

So how is your world cuisine knowledge? See answer below.

Answer: (mexico, japan, spain, france)

香港揮春 與眾不同

Inspiration from X-Files and such

Maybe you didn't know I love to analyze movies and TV shows, in fact, I once almost entered into studying movies when I first graduated from university, not how to make movies, rather movie criticism. Didn't study that, because there was no such course in Hong Kong back then, and I didn't want to leave Hong Kong again after being absent for 5 years for university in Taiwan.

I love to watch several TV shows and am glad that no matter where I go, I am still able to get those shows.

I like X-Files, other than I like watching the rather handsome and smart Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and his always skeptical partner Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), I am intrigued by the fact that though Fox Mulder firmly believes that there is life other than those that exist on earth, he does not believe in God. On the other hand, Dana Scully, a medical doctor, who was sent to partner with Fox Mulder for the sole purpose of debunking his work, is highly skeptical of alien lifeform, but she wears a crucifix around her neck, and states that she believes in God and miracles. Isn't that funny what people 'choose' to believe? You might say, "When you see evidence, you believe." This is not quite the case. Dana Scully, through her line of work with Mulder, has seen a fair share of X-phenominum, however, she still told Mulder, "You have to show me evidence." She is always trying to explain things away with science. Hold on...she is the one who believes in miracles! And most people thinks miracles happen when science ends. On the other hand, Mulder, who is convinced that his sister was abducted by aliens, would always scorn Scully for her belief and having faith, yet, he is totally convinced of something he cannot prove yet. I think other than the X elements in X-files, the well-developed characters of Mulder and Scully contribute to the success of the series.

I also love forensic science, crime stories, criminal profiling, and shows along those lines. I am not particularly interested in the guts and blood, but I am fascinated by how criminals think, why they think they could commit crimes and not get caught. On the other hand, the dogged determination of the people who try everything they can to catch the criminal is worth every ounce of my respect, the process of solving crime fascinates me. What I learned from these shows is that the more arrogant you are, the easier you will get caught. A well planned out crime takes much longer to solve, versus if you think you are good, you will start to be careless, and eventually, you will get caught.

The shows about cold cases have taught me one thing further, judgment will always come, it might take detectives 20, 30 years to catch up with you, but you will get caught, there is always one thread of line that links back to you, awaiting for a detective to discover it, or an eyewitness to finally come forward. Of course, there are more unsolved cold cases than those that are solved, but each cold case that is solved gives hope, and hope is what you need when your loved one disappeared or murdered decades ago. With no hope or any reason to hope, the heart dies.

And of course, as a Christian, I do believe that there will be a final judgment, where all the cold cases will be solved, and God the great judge will sentence the criminals, who were allowed to be free on earth (physically but not in their conscience), to the eternal prison. And of course, we will also know if Mulder is right about aliens!

Split household

In two days (this Wednesday), most of our belongings will be taken by the shipping company and put into storage in Cebu for 5 months, plus the one month it takes to ship the boxes to Aberdeen, Scotland, we will have to part with our belongings for 6 months.

We didn't think of it as too unusual at first because Dan and I have been moving with the Air Force many times in the 10 year time when he was in active duty. However, there is a major difference is, this is the first time we have our belongings split in three different parts of the world.

1) We have a storage unit in Michigan filled with our furniture and household goods, we couldn't bring everything when we came to Cebu.

2) In a few days, we will have another part in storage with the moving company in Cebu.

3) Then we will carry whatever we can with us so we can live for the next 6 months until we see our belongings again.

This will be an interesting year, doing without most of our stuff, that makes me wonder if we even need them in the first place. (A lot of the boxes are books, so I guess we do need them.)

Last time I lived in the same place for more than 9 years was the time after I graduated from Taiwan to the time when I married Dan and moved away. Since then, life has been one transition after another.

I miss the days when I can have all my baking supplies, knitting supplies, books and coffee maker all together, it will be a long while before I have it again. We cannot ship all our household goods in Michigan to Aberdeen, because the cost is high, and flats in Aberdeen is small but expensive. So we will again live a "temporary" life for the next three to four years. I wonder what next after Aberdeen.

This kind of life style actually has taught me the right attitude towards our life on earth, even if I stay in the same house from birth to the day I die, this is just one big transition, it is temporary. The permanent life, the one that I should look forward to, is yet to come. Though I don't see it now, like I don't see how or where we will live after Aberdeen, I know God has prepared a place for us, just like he has prepared a place for us in heaven. This is the most comforting thought amidst of boxes, bubble wraps and hours and hours of traveling ahead of us.

What is history?

All that we call human history -- money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery -- [is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which make him happy. ~ C.S. Lewis

We see all these happen everyday around the world, no matter which culture you are in, which level of society you are in. It is astounding though to see all these displayed so plainly in the Philippines, which is supposed to be a Catholic country. A lot of Filipinos are "religions", today we attended church service, we drove to the mall to make a few last minute purchases before we leave Cebu. On the way, we passed a large Catholic church. The church was so full that there were about 100 people standing outside of the church to attend the service. Filipinos are religious.

However, something is wrong with being just "religious", without Jesus Christ as the center of their worship, man still tries hard "to find something other than God which make him happy." The Bible explained it very clearly, in Romans 3:23-24, it says " for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Life is tasteless and hopeless with Jesus.

Feeling blue

15 days from today, we will be in Hong Kong. I start to feel a bit sad. While we struggle a lot in the Filipino culture, I am starting to miss our friends whom we might not see for an extremely long time. Particularly, I miss Maris, our faithful helper. Without her, I will not be able to homeschool Kioni and handle the stress that the environment presents. If it is not Maris but another helper, she might actually add to our stress. I will miss her so much, she is the only woman whom I can talk to everyday.

I am feeling blue that this phase of our life will be over soon, we have a difficult time here, however, we have learned so much about ourselves, about interacting with people from other culture and about how diverse cultures can be. We will forever bring with us this experience, and will always look back and draw on the discoveries in Cebu.

Jesus is powerless for two days

A display inside the Basilica de Santo Nino in Cebu.
Mary, the one of the left, was touched so much that the paint is peeled and the wood from underneath turns black. She is the one people wanted to touch and be blessed.

We have been seeing a lot of interesting Filipino Catholicism phenomena in the Philippines, e.g., we always see huge statues of Mary, but not of Jesus. Jesus, if we see him, is either a helpless little baby in the tender arms of Mary, or he is hanging on the cross, head bowed down and is also helpless. Mary is powerful, and of course, she is the mother of God. Jesus, on the other hand, according to a historian on Mary, had to receive permission before he went on the cross.

The phenomenon also shows up on the Filipino calendars, you almost cannot find one calender that is printed in the Philippines that has Easter Sunday marked, though Good Friday MIGHT be. The only calendars that have these days marked are imported calenders.

We went to a local church this morning (Easter Sunday), for 90 minutes, we heard something along the line of suffering and death of Jesus, towards the last two sentences, the preacher mentioned the resurrection of Jesus and how we should be happy that Jesus lives today.

A missionary who has been serving in the Philippines for 25 years wrote the following email to explain to us an essential part of how Filipino Catholics view Jesus and Easter.

Filipinos tend to restrict their activities during the Holy Week because they are afraid that something might happen to them.

I’ve personally experienced Filipino negative reaction to things during Holy Week. A number of years ago, I needed to have elective surgery done. It was scheduled during Holy Week because that was the first available time that the doctor could do surgery. The doctor was a follower of Christ, so she didn’t have any problem with my having surgery and I didn’t either. But when the nurse was gathering the information for pre-surgery, she was shocked that I would have elective surgery during Holy Week.

Another time, the Vista Verde church in Manila had a retreat during Holy Week. On the way home, there was an accident and several people were injured and one lady died from internal hemorrhaging. The lady was a strong believer, but her mom and family were strong Catholics. The body was put at the church for viewing. The next morning (Easter Sunday) the mom came into the church and yell at her son-in-law, and at the church people. Her daughter was going to be condemned to purgatory. She was inconsolable that day. The church held services every night during the week. The next Sunday was the funeral. Coming out of the church after the service, my friend heard the brother say to his sister, “Don’t be sad, we know where Cynthia is, she’s in heaven, but what about us? What will happen to us when we die." So during the week, their belief about eternal life changed.

The reason I share this is that maybe the issue with the Filipinos isn’t that they don’t believe in Jesus being both human and divine, but the issue is trying to correct the misconception here in this country that God dies every Good Friday. They may have gone too far the other way.

We are still struggling to understand how their theology has become what it is. It is difficult for us to grasp why Jesus is so small.

They are coming after me!

Indeed the world is becoming smaller and there are a lot more exchanges among peoples and cultures, but being a "foreigner" in Asia is still somewhat different.

It is OK for Dan, he is used to it since he married me and he has travelled to Asia many times. However, little Kioni is not understanding some of the unwanted attention that are given to her. Wherever we go in Asia, she draws attention because she how she looks. To westerners' eyes, she looks Chinese, to Chinese, she looks absolutely western. When we went to Pizza Hut in Xiamen, one of the waitress stared at us three for a long time while we were waiting for the elevator, finally she asked me if Kioni is mixed, and if I was her mother. She has an expression of total disbelief when I answered 'yes' to both of her questions. She finally said, "But she doesn't look Chinese AT ALL!'

It was fine in Hong Kong, people there see lots of foreigners, so people might turn and take a second look at her, but not much after that. In Cebu, where a lot of people worship mixed kids, thinking they are the most beautiful type of people on the planet, Kioni is physically touched a lot, on her face, on her arm, on her head, on her legs, etc. More than once, kids in Cebu just come up to Kioni and stood within 2 inches in front of her and started touching her. I don't care how old you are, you just won't put up with things like this. As a result, Kioni screams whenever she sees strangers, children or adult approaching her. "They are coming after me, Mommy!" Then she would run to me for protection. She always has this fear and said such things when someone comes a bit closer. Eventually, I have to tell her people do that to her because she is cute. She still screams, but not as loud as before.

Here is Xiamen, people are more reserved, a lot of long stares will follow us as a family, a few bold ones will touch Kioni with lightening speed. Even with just stares, they are sometimes hard to deal with. Yesterday she couldn't take it anymore and asked me over and over why people look at her and smile at her, that was when we were taking a ferry to Gulangyu. There were so many people on the ferry that she couldn't hide from them even I was holding her and she buried her face on my shoulder. Eventually, I just have to tell Kioni to ignore them. I know this is not the nicest thing to say, but she just cannot possibily deal with all these attention. I have a taste of how being a celebrity must be like. (Pay attention to the staring eyes in the background of the photo.)

Every day from going out of our hotel room, to getting into the elevator to walking in the street and sitting down in a restaurant, it never fails that she, or we, drew a lot of attention. Dan already sticks out like a sore thumb, then with me talking to Dan in English, and with a mixed kid in tow, people are bound to stare and point, this makes our outing quite uncomfortable sometimes. Both Dan and I have learned to ignore the stares, but Kioni is still figuring out why people would touch her, stare at her, smile at her, and a few even attempt to hold her.

As a mother, I feel like I have failed her when someone successfully touched her and made her scream. I feel like I failed to protect her, I was her only defense, yet some people are so quick, some sneak in from behind, some would touch her dangling leg even when I was clutching her tight in my arms.

On the up side, though, she has priviledges that a "regular" kid does not have, she gets colorful bowls and plates to eat with, she gets special little attention that other kids won't get. She has gotten so many extra gifts when we go into stores to buy things. She got a bowl and chopstick gift set because we bought a $20 USD worth of things, while that gift set is for customers who have purchased $400 USD or more. The guy behind the counter just said, "I will give you a set, just because you are so cute." She has gotten little free gifts from shops where we bought stuff. People just found her irrestibly cute and had to give her something to please her.

All in all, it is not healthy for Kioni to be admired for something that neither is her virtue nor her merit. I am worried that she would grow up being used to having people around her adoring her just because she is different looking. I am at lost in what to do right now. Maybe living in a western society will give her a better share in life. It must be hard for long-term missionaries who try to raise their children in Asia, however, I trust that God will give us a way to deal with all these if He indeed would call us to serve him long-term in Asia.