This is the 22nd year of my life in Christ.
Thank you, God, for your unfailing love, even for a wretch like me.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Saturday, December 05, 2009
忘記了嗎？
天色陰暗，細雨紛飛，然而，飛鳥無懼於風雨，有的高飛，有的在樹枝間跳躍。飛鳥無懼，因為牠們知道神在看顧，我恐懼，是我忘記了嗎？
Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
馬太福音 6:26
你 們 看 那 天 上 的 飛 鳥 ， 也 不 種 ， 也 不 收 ， 也 不 積 蓄 在 倉 裡 ， 你 們 的 天 父 尚 且 養 活 他 。 你 們 不 比 飛 鳥 貴 重 得 多 麼 ？
Friday, December 04, 2009
"Christian Elepants"
這是個「神奇」的故事，有點叫人難以置信，不過，我相信這故事的真實性。
Story source from Asia Harvest.
In 2008, a severe persecution of Christians broke out in the Indian state of Orissa. The end result saw more than 500 Christians murdered, and thousands of others injured and homeless after their houses were reduced to ashes. (See our Latest News releases about Orissa in this file and in the 2008 archive for more information). As a result, Asia Harvest responded and helped the persecuted believers, including building homes for many families. Recently, a strange and dramatic event took place in Orissa, which has many people talking and wondering.
The Restoration India Mission has reported that in recent months, herds of wild elephants have begun to storm villages that are home to some of the worst persecutors of Christians during the troubles. In one village where in August a year ago the Christians had to run for their lives while their homes were being destroyed by rioters, a herd of elephants emerged from the surrounding jungle, RIM reports, "Exactly one year later, at the same time of the day, the persecutors are now running for their lives, from nothing less than a herd of wild elephants! These elephants first attacked a rock crusher machine owned by a key leader of the persecution movement. They then went on to destroy his house and farms. Gaining momentum, they rampaged through other non-Christian homes demolishing gardens and singling out the homes of persecutors, leaving Christian homes untouched. People ran to the police station to report the disastrous news. In one case, a police jeep that attempted to drive away the herd was attacked and the occupants barely escaped. Truly, God is the avenger of the helpless.
These strange attacks have spread, and according to a report by Kusanath Pradhan, the elephants have already destroyed more than 700 houses in 30 villages, and killed five people. Nobody in this area has seen or even imagined the unique appearance of a herd of wild elephants such as this. The elephants are not ordinary elephants; they appear to be on a mission. Typically, smaller elephants enter a village first, appearing to survey the community. They then rejoin the larger herd, and larger elephants soon follow and get the job done. "Just what is their job?" you might ask.
RIM states, "We think that it might have something to do with avenging the blood of martyrs. In fact, the fear of God has fallen on the local people, who have labeled these elephants, "Christian elephants."
“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 Source: Restoration India Mission.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
甚麼時候？
甚麼時候我變了四十六歲了？跟爸爸媽媽，妹妹弟弟在西貢沙灘游泳，不就在昨天嗎？甚麼時候妹妹跟妹夫結婚二十年了？我不才跟她一起去試穿婚紗？
甚麼時候大姨甥長大成人，快要唸大學了？我剛剛才去接新生的他和他媽媽離開醫院回家呢！
甚麼時候女兒自己一口一口吃飯？自己坐在琴前作起曲來了？昨天我還拿著奶瓶餵她。
回頭一看，原來半生已過，原來不知不覺中，我把自己的生命注入在這裡那裡，造成歷史了。
我在這歷史中的位置是甚麼？
地上的生命不知道還有多久，我盼望的，是將來永存永在的生命，因為那時我不會再問「甚麼時候？」
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Chestnuts
I was on my regular walking route last week, something caught my eye, at first I thought they were cockroaches, I was about the jump away, but when they didn't move, then I realized I was staring at some chestnuts! Though I really don't want to touch anything that resembles cockroaches, for the sake of food, I conquered my fear.
I picked a few last week, just for fun. Today I thought, why not pick some more and roast them? There you have it, right now, they are roasting in the oven, 5 minutes to go, yummy.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
中年危機？
今天早上趕著出門口，竟然忘記了喝沖好了的鴛鴦！結果是整天都陷於頭痛和情緒很差的狀態中。到了晚上回家吃過晚飯才好一點，不過仍然很累。
這一陣子身心俱疲，晚上經常半夜醒來，左思右想很多事情，也許是中年危機的其中一個問題之一？說來可笑，媽媽在經歷中年危機，女兒的第一顆乳齒才開始搖著，快要掉了。也許我一切都做得太遲了。三十歲才進神學院，三十三歲才結婚，四十歲才當媽媽。還有兩個星期就四十六了，還在等老公在寫論文的第一章。到了四十八，四十九，還有一大堆學校貸款要還。別人年近五十，就開始想退休金，投資這等事，可是這些事對我來說，是遙遙無期的。可能好像「秋天的童話」裡面的船頭尺說的：「到死嗰日，用哂d錢，一毫子都冇剩，啱啱好。」
這一陣子身心俱疲，晚上經常半夜醒來，左思右想很多事情，也許是中年危機的其中一個問題之一？說來可笑，媽媽在經歷中年危機，女兒的第一顆乳齒才開始搖著，快要掉了。也許我一切都做得太遲了。三十歲才進神學院，三十三歲才結婚，四十歲才當媽媽。還有兩個星期就四十六了，還在等老公在寫論文的第一章。到了四十八，四十九，還有一大堆學校貸款要還。別人年近五十，就開始想退休金，投資這等事，可是這些事對我來說，是遙遙無期的。可能好像「秋天的童話」裡面的船頭尺說的：「到死嗰日，用哂d錢，一毫子都冇剩，啱啱好。」
Saturday, August 01, 2009
I love the rain
I love rainy days, always have and always will. Maybe because I am a melancholy, poetic person, rain brings much comfort, the gray sky and translucent crystal-like raindrops somehow calm me down, give me much to ponder on. I love all kinds of rain, silent rain, downpours, thunder and rainstorms, any kind. The only rain that has scared me so far, was when a tornado was approaching our house and a siren had gone off warning people to seek shelter. I had to hide in the bathtub with MeMe dog. Even so, it was comical, because MeMe dog hated baths, she would never willingly went inside a bathtub. I had to leave a trail of dog treats to lead her to the bathtub, and threw a bunch inside the tub. This time, she jumped inside the bathtub, no questions asked. I jumped in with her and held onto her until there was another signal indicating that we were safe.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
越老越沉靜？
有人越老越長氣，我發現我自己是越老越沉靜。
我擔心過自己是否開始患了自閉症。可是就是我想自閉也不行，因為女兒喜歡講話，跟爸爸一樣。家裏有兩個愛講話的人，我怎有可能自閉？
可是我有極強獨處的需要，如果我有幾天沒有獨處的時間，我會開始覺得神經病要發作了。麻煩的是，我不單需要獨處時間，還需要很長的獨處時間。每天如果我有幾個小時，那就足夠了。
但是現實是，我有個愛說話的女兒，愛說話的丈夫，那麼，能每天有幾小時獨處，就真的是十分珍貴了。
我擔心過自己是否開始患了自閉症。可是就是我想自閉也不行，因為女兒喜歡講話，跟爸爸一樣。家裏有兩個愛講話的人，我怎有可能自閉？
可是我有極強獨處的需要，如果我有幾天沒有獨處的時間，我會開始覺得神經病要發作了。麻煩的是，我不單需要獨處時間，還需要很長的獨處時間。每天如果我有幾個小時，那就足夠了。
但是現實是，我有個愛說話的女兒，愛說話的丈夫，那麼，能每天有幾小時獨處，就真的是十分珍貴了。
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Life
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me... It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me... It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
1. Life isn't fair, but it 's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23... Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words “In five years, will this matter? '
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Placido Domingo, John Denver - Perhaps Love
Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm.It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm.
And in those times of trouble, when you are most alone.
The memory of love will bring you home.
And in those times of trouble, when you are most alone.
The memory of love will bring you home.
Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door.
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more.
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do.
The memory of love will see you through.
Oh love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel.
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel.
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go.
And some say love is everything, some say they don't know.
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain.
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains.
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true.
My memories of love will be of you.
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go.
And some say love is everything, some say they don't know.
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain ("change" in another version).
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains.
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true.
My memories of love will be of you.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
余光中 - 我的四個假想敵
文人余光中是台灣大學外文系畢業的，是我的學兄。他這篇「我的四個假想敵」，做父母的必定要看。
二女幼珊在港參加僑生聯考，以第一志願分發臺大外文系。聽到這消息，我鬆了一口氣，從此不必擔心四個女兒通通嫁給廣東男孩了。
我對廣東男孩當然並無偏見，在港六年，我班上也有好些可愛的廣東少年，頗討老師的歡心，但是要我把四 個女兒全都讓那些「𡃁仔」、「叻仔」擄掠了去，卻捨不得。不過，女兒要嫁誰，說得灑脫些，是她們的自由意志，說得玄妙些呢，是因緣，做父親的又何必患得 患 失呢？何況在這件事上，做母親的往往位居要衝，自然而然成了女兒的親密顧問，甚至親密戰友，作戰的對象不是男友，卻是父親。等到做父親的驚醒過來，早已腹 背受敵，難挽大勢了。
在父親的眼裏，女兒最可愛的時候是在十歲以前，因為那時她完全屬於自己。在男友的眼裏，她最可愛的時候卻在十七歲以後，因為這時她正像畢業班的學生，已經一心向外了。
父親和男友，先天上就有矛盾。對父親來說，世界上沒有東西比稚齡的女兒更完美的了，唯一的缺點就是會長大，除非你用急凍術把她久藏，不過這恐怕是違法的，而且她的男友遲早會騎了駿馬或摩托車來，把她吻醒。
我未用太空艙的凍眠術，一任時光催迫，日月輪轉，再揉眼時，怎麼四個女兒都已依次長大，昔日的童話之 門砰地一關，再也回不去了。四個女兒，依次是珊珊、幼珊、佩珊、季珊。簡直可以排成一條珊瑚礁。珊珊十二歲的那年， 有一次，未滿九歲的佩珊忽然對來訪的客人說：「喂，告訴你，我姐姐是一個少女了！」在座的大人全笑了起來。
曾幾何時，惹笑的佩珊自己，甚至最幼稚的季珊，也都在時光 的魔杖下，點化成「少女」了。冥冥之中，有四個「少男」正偷偷襲來，雖然躡手躡足，屏聲止息，我卻感到背後有四雙眼睛，像所有的壞男孩那樣，目光灼灼，心 存不軌，只等時機一到，便會站到亮處，裝出偽善的笑容，叫我岳父。
我當然不會應他。哪有這麼容易的事！我像一棵果樹，天長地久在這裏立了多年，風霜雨露，樣樣有份，換來果實累累，不勝負荷。而你，偶爾過路的小子，竟然一伸手就來摘果子，活該蟠地的樹根絆你一交！
而最可惱的，卻是樹上的果子，竟有自動落入行人手中的樣子。樹怪行人不該擅自來摘果子，行人卻說是果子剛好掉下來，給他接著罷了。這種事，總是裏應外合才成功的。當初我自己結婚，不也是有一位少女開門揖盜嗎？「堡壘最容易從內部攻破」，說得真是不錯。
不過彼一時也，此一時也。同一個人，過街時討厭汽車，開車時卻討厭行人。現在是輪到我來開車。
好多年來，我已經習於和五個女人為伍，浴室裏彌漫著香皂和香水氣味，沙發上散置皮包和發卷，餐桌上沒 有人和我爭酒，都是天經地義的事。戲稱吾廬為「女生宿舍」，也已經很久了。做了「女生宿舍」的舍監，自然不歡迎陌生的男客，尤其是別有用心的一類。但自己 轄下的女生，尤其是前面的三位，已有「不穩」的現象，卻令我想起葉慈的一句詩：
一切已崩潰，失去重心。
我的四個假想敵，不論是高是矮，是胖是瘦，是學醫還是學文，遲早會從我疑懼的迷霧裏顯出原形，一一走 上前來，或迂回曲折，囁嚅其詞，或開門見山，大言不慚，總之要把他的情人，也就是我的女兒，對不起，從此領去。無形的敵人最可怕，何況我在亮處，他在暗 裏，又有我家的「內奸」接應，真是防不勝防。只怪當初沒有把四個女兒及時冷藏，使時間不能拐騙，社會也無由污染。現在 她們都已大了，回不了頭。我那四個假想敵，那四個鬼鬼祟祟的地下工作者，也都已羽毛豐滿，什麼力量都阻止不了他們了。先下手為強，這件事，該乘那四個假想 敵還在襁褓的時候，就予以解決的。至少美國詩人納許（Ogden Nash，1902-1971）勸我們如此。
他在一首妙詩《由女嬰之父來唱的歌》（Song to Be sung by the Father of Infant Female Children）之中，說他生了女兒吉兒之後，惴惴不安，感到不知什麼地方正有個男嬰也在長大，現在雖然還渾渾噩噩，口吐白沫，卻注定將來會搶走他的吉 兒。于是做父親的每次在公園裏看見嬰兒車中的男嬰，都不由神色一變，暗暗想：「會不會是這家夥？」
想著想著，他「殺機陡萌」，便要解開那男嬰身上的別針，朝他的爽身粉裏撒胡椒粉，把鹽撒進他的奶瓶，把沙撒進他的菠菜汁，再扔頭優遊的鱷魚到他的嬰兒車裏陪他遊戲，逼他在水深火熱之中掙扎而去，去娶別人的女兒。足見詩人以未來的女婿為假想敵，早已有了前例。
不過一切都太遲了。當初沒有當機立斷，採取非常措施，像納許詩中所說的那樣，真是一大失策。如今的局 面，套一句史書上常見的話，已經是「寇入深矣！」女兒的墻上和書桌的玻璃墊下，以前的海報和剪報之類，還是披頭，拜絲，大衛·凱西弟的形象，現在紛紛都換 上男友了。至少，灘頭陣地已經被入侵的軍隊佔領了去，這一仗是必敗的了。記得我們小時，這一類的照片仍被列為機密要 件，不是藏在枕頭套裏，貼著夢境，便是夾在書堆深處，偶爾翻出來神往一番，哪有這麼二十四小時眼前供奉的？
這一批形跡可疑的假想敵，究竟是哪年哪月開始入侵廈門街余 宅的，已經不可考了。只記得六年前遷港之後，攻城的軍事便換了一批口操粵語少年來接手。至于交戰的細節，就得問名義上是守城的那幾個女將，我這位“昏君” 是再也搞不清的了。只知道敵方的炮火，起先是瞄準我家的信箱，那些歪歪斜斜的筆跡，久了也能猜個七分；繼而是集中在我家的電話，「落彈點」就在我書桌的背 後，我的文苑就是他們的沙場，一夜之間，總有十幾次腦震蕩。那些粵音平上去入，有九聲之多，也令我難以研判敵情。現在我帶幼珊回了廈門街，那頭的廣東部隊 輪到我太太去抵擋，我在這頭，只要留意臺灣健兒，任務就輕松多了。
信箱被襲，只如戰爭的默片，還不打緊。其實我寧可多情的少年勤寫情書，那樣至少可以練習作文，不致在 視聽教育的時代荒廢了中文。可怕的還是電話中彈，那一串串警告的鈴聲，把戰場從門外的信箱擴至書房的腹地，默片變成了身歷聲，假想敵在實彈 射擊了。更可怕的，卻是假想敵真的闖進了城來，成了有血有肉的真敵人，不再是假想了好玩的了，就像軍事演習到中途，忽然真的打起來了一樣。真敵人是看得出 來的。在某一女兒的接應之下，他佔領了沙發的一角，從此兩人呢喃細語。囁嚅密談，即使脈脈相對的時候，那氣氛也濃得化不開，窒得全家人都透不過氣來。這時 幾個姐妹早已回避得遠遠的了，任誰都看得出情況有異。萬一敵人留下來吃飯，那空氣就更為緊張，好像擺好姿勢，面對照相機一般。平時鴨塘一般的餐桌，四姐妹 這時像在演啞劇，連筷子和調羹都似乎得到了消息，忽然小心翼翼起來。明知這僭越的小子未必就是真命女婿，（誰曉得寶貝女兒現在是十八變中的第幾變呢？）心 裏卻不由自主升起一股淡淡的敵意。也明知女兒正如將熟之瓜，終有一天會蒂落而去，卻希望不是隨眼前這自負的小子。
當然，四個女兒也自有不乖的時候，在惱怒的心情下，我就恨不得四個假想敵趕快出現，把她們統統帶走。 但是那一天真要來到時，我一定又會懊悔不已。我能夠想象，人生的兩大寂寞，一是退休之日，一是最小的孩子終於也結婚之後。宋淇有一天對我 說：「真羨慕你的女兒全在身邊！」真的嗎？至少目前我並不覺得，自己有什麼可羨之處。也許真要等到最小的季珊也跟著假想敵度蜜月去了，才會和我存並坐在空 空的長沙發上，翻閱她們小時相簿，追憶從前，六人一車長途壯遊的盛況，或是晚餐桌上，熱氣蒸騰，大家共享的燦爛燈光。人生有許多事情，正如船後的波紋，總 要過後才覺得美的。這麼一想，又希望那四個假想敵，那四個生手笨腳的小夥子，還是多吃幾口閉門羹，慢一點出現吧。
袁枚寫詩，把生女兒說成「情疑中副車」，這書袋掉得很有意思，卻也流露了重男輕女的封建意識。照袁枚 的說法，我是連中了四次副車，命中率夠高的了。余宅的四個小女孩現在變成了四個小婦人，在假想敵環伺之下，若問我擇婿有何條件，一時倒恐怕答不上來。沉吟 半晌，我也許會說：「這件事情，上有月下老人的婚姻譜，誰也不能竄改，包括韋固，下有兩個海誓山盟的情人，『二人同心，其利斷金』，我憑什麼要逆天拂人， 梗在中間？何況終身大事，神秘莫測，事先無法推理，事後不能悔棋，就算交給２１世紀的電腦，恐怕也算不出什麼或然率來。倒不如故示慷慨，偽作輕鬆，博一個 開明父親的美名，到時候帶顆私章，去做主婚人就是了。」
問的人笑了起來，指著我說：「什麼叫做『偽作輕鬆』？可見你心裏並不輕鬆。」
我當然不很輕鬆，否則就不是她們的父親了。例如人種的問題，就很令人煩惱。萬一女兒發癡，愛上一個聳肩攤手口香糖嚼個不停的小怪人，該怎麼辦呢？在 理性上，我願意「有婿無類」，做一個大大方方的世界公民。但是在感情上，還沒有大方到讓一個臂毛如猿的小夥子把我的女兒抱過門檻。
現在當然不再「嚴夷夏之防」的時代，但是一任單純的家庭擴充成一個小型的聯合國，也大可不必。問的人又笑了，問我可曾聽說混血兒的聰明超乎常人。我 說：「聽過，但是我不希罕抱一個天才的『混血孫』。我不要一個天才兒童叫我Grandpa，我要他叫我外公。」問的人不肯罷休：「那麼省籍呢？」
「省籍無所謂，」我說。「我就是蘇閩聯姻的結果，還不壞吧？當初我母親從福建寫信回武進，說當地有人向她求婚。娘家大驚小怪，說那麼遠！怎麼就嫁給 南蠻！後來娘家發現，除了言語不通之外，這位閩南姑爺並無 可疑之處。這幾年，廣東男孩鍥而不舍，對我家的壓力很大，有一天閩粵結成了秦晉，我也不會感到意外。如果有個臺灣少年特別巴結我，其志又不在跟我談文論 詩，我也不會怎麼為難他的。至於其他各省，從黑龍江直到雲南，口操各種方言的少年，只要我女兒不嫌他，我自然也歡迎。」
「那麼學識呢？」
「學什麼都可以。也不一定要是學者，學者往往不是好女婿，更不是好丈夫。只有一點：中文必須精通。中文不通，將禍延吾孫！」
客又笑了。「相貌重不重要？」他再問。
「你真是迂闊之至！」這次輪到我發笑了。「這種事，我女兒自己會注意，怎麼會要我來操心？」
笨客還想問下去，忽然門鈴響起。我起身去開大門，發現長髮亂處，又一個假想敵來掠余宅。
二女幼珊在港參加僑生聯考，以第一志願分發臺大外文系。聽到這消息，我鬆了一口氣，從此不必擔心四個女兒通通嫁給廣東男孩了。
我對廣東男孩當然並無偏見，在港六年，我班上也有好些可愛的廣東少年，頗討老師的歡心，但是要我把四 個女兒全都讓那些「𡃁仔」、「叻仔」擄掠了去，卻捨不得。不過，女兒要嫁誰，說得灑脫些，是她們的自由意志，說得玄妙些呢，是因緣，做父親的又何必患得 患 失呢？何況在這件事上，做母親的往往位居要衝，自然而然成了女兒的親密顧問，甚至親密戰友，作戰的對象不是男友，卻是父親。等到做父親的驚醒過來，早已腹 背受敵，難挽大勢了。
在父親的眼裏，女兒最可愛的時候是在十歲以前，因為那時她完全屬於自己。在男友的眼裏，她最可愛的時候卻在十七歲以後，因為這時她正像畢業班的學生，已經一心向外了。
父親和男友，先天上就有矛盾。對父親來說，世界上沒有東西比稚齡的女兒更完美的了，唯一的缺點就是會長大，除非你用急凍術把她久藏，不過這恐怕是違法的，而且她的男友遲早會騎了駿馬或摩托車來，把她吻醒。
我未用太空艙的凍眠術，一任時光催迫，日月輪轉，再揉眼時，怎麼四個女兒都已依次長大，昔日的童話之 門砰地一關，再也回不去了。四個女兒，依次是珊珊、幼珊、佩珊、季珊。簡直可以排成一條珊瑚礁。珊珊十二歲的那年， 有一次，未滿九歲的佩珊忽然對來訪的客人說：「喂，告訴你，我姐姐是一個少女了！」在座的大人全笑了起來。
曾幾何時，惹笑的佩珊自己，甚至最幼稚的季珊，也都在時光 的魔杖下，點化成「少女」了。冥冥之中，有四個「少男」正偷偷襲來，雖然躡手躡足，屏聲止息，我卻感到背後有四雙眼睛，像所有的壞男孩那樣，目光灼灼，心 存不軌，只等時機一到，便會站到亮處，裝出偽善的笑容，叫我岳父。
我當然不會應他。哪有這麼容易的事！我像一棵果樹，天長地久在這裏立了多年，風霜雨露，樣樣有份，換來果實累累，不勝負荷。而你，偶爾過路的小子，竟然一伸手就來摘果子，活該蟠地的樹根絆你一交！
而最可惱的，卻是樹上的果子，竟有自動落入行人手中的樣子。樹怪行人不該擅自來摘果子，行人卻說是果子剛好掉下來，給他接著罷了。這種事，總是裏應外合才成功的。當初我自己結婚，不也是有一位少女開門揖盜嗎？「堡壘最容易從內部攻破」，說得真是不錯。
不過彼一時也，此一時也。同一個人，過街時討厭汽車，開車時卻討厭行人。現在是輪到我來開車。
好多年來，我已經習於和五個女人為伍，浴室裏彌漫著香皂和香水氣味，沙發上散置皮包和發卷，餐桌上沒 有人和我爭酒，都是天經地義的事。戲稱吾廬為「女生宿舍」，也已經很久了。做了「女生宿舍」的舍監，自然不歡迎陌生的男客，尤其是別有用心的一類。但自己 轄下的女生，尤其是前面的三位，已有「不穩」的現象，卻令我想起葉慈的一句詩：
一切已崩潰，失去重心。
我的四個假想敵，不論是高是矮，是胖是瘦，是學醫還是學文，遲早會從我疑懼的迷霧裏顯出原形，一一走 上前來，或迂回曲折，囁嚅其詞，或開門見山，大言不慚，總之要把他的情人，也就是我的女兒，對不起，從此領去。無形的敵人最可怕，何況我在亮處，他在暗 裏，又有我家的「內奸」接應，真是防不勝防。只怪當初沒有把四個女兒及時冷藏，使時間不能拐騙，社會也無由污染。現在 她們都已大了，回不了頭。我那四個假想敵，那四個鬼鬼祟祟的地下工作者，也都已羽毛豐滿，什麼力量都阻止不了他們了。先下手為強，這件事，該乘那四個假想 敵還在襁褓的時候，就予以解決的。至少美國詩人納許（Ogden Nash，1902-1971）勸我們如此。
他在一首妙詩《由女嬰之父來唱的歌》（Song to Be sung by the Father of Infant Female Children）之中，說他生了女兒吉兒之後，惴惴不安，感到不知什麼地方正有個男嬰也在長大，現在雖然還渾渾噩噩，口吐白沫，卻注定將來會搶走他的吉 兒。于是做父親的每次在公園裏看見嬰兒車中的男嬰，都不由神色一變，暗暗想：「會不會是這家夥？」
想著想著，他「殺機陡萌」，便要解開那男嬰身上的別針，朝他的爽身粉裏撒胡椒粉，把鹽撒進他的奶瓶，把沙撒進他的菠菜汁，再扔頭優遊的鱷魚到他的嬰兒車裏陪他遊戲，逼他在水深火熱之中掙扎而去，去娶別人的女兒。足見詩人以未來的女婿為假想敵，早已有了前例。
不過一切都太遲了。當初沒有當機立斷，採取非常措施，像納許詩中所說的那樣，真是一大失策。如今的局 面，套一句史書上常見的話，已經是「寇入深矣！」女兒的墻上和書桌的玻璃墊下，以前的海報和剪報之類，還是披頭，拜絲，大衛·凱西弟的形象，現在紛紛都換 上男友了。至少，灘頭陣地已經被入侵的軍隊佔領了去，這一仗是必敗的了。記得我們小時，這一類的照片仍被列為機密要 件，不是藏在枕頭套裏，貼著夢境，便是夾在書堆深處，偶爾翻出來神往一番，哪有這麼二十四小時眼前供奉的？
這一批形跡可疑的假想敵，究竟是哪年哪月開始入侵廈門街余 宅的，已經不可考了。只記得六年前遷港之後，攻城的軍事便換了一批口操粵語少年來接手。至于交戰的細節，就得問名義上是守城的那幾個女將，我這位“昏君” 是再也搞不清的了。只知道敵方的炮火，起先是瞄準我家的信箱，那些歪歪斜斜的筆跡，久了也能猜個七分；繼而是集中在我家的電話，「落彈點」就在我書桌的背 後，我的文苑就是他們的沙場，一夜之間，總有十幾次腦震蕩。那些粵音平上去入，有九聲之多，也令我難以研判敵情。現在我帶幼珊回了廈門街，那頭的廣東部隊 輪到我太太去抵擋，我在這頭，只要留意臺灣健兒，任務就輕松多了。
信箱被襲，只如戰爭的默片，還不打緊。其實我寧可多情的少年勤寫情書，那樣至少可以練習作文，不致在 視聽教育的時代荒廢了中文。可怕的還是電話中彈，那一串串警告的鈴聲，把戰場從門外的信箱擴至書房的腹地，默片變成了身歷聲，假想敵在實彈 射擊了。更可怕的，卻是假想敵真的闖進了城來，成了有血有肉的真敵人，不再是假想了好玩的了，就像軍事演習到中途，忽然真的打起來了一樣。真敵人是看得出 來的。在某一女兒的接應之下，他佔領了沙發的一角，從此兩人呢喃細語。囁嚅密談，即使脈脈相對的時候，那氣氛也濃得化不開，窒得全家人都透不過氣來。這時 幾個姐妹早已回避得遠遠的了，任誰都看得出情況有異。萬一敵人留下來吃飯，那空氣就更為緊張，好像擺好姿勢，面對照相機一般。平時鴨塘一般的餐桌，四姐妹 這時像在演啞劇，連筷子和調羹都似乎得到了消息，忽然小心翼翼起來。明知這僭越的小子未必就是真命女婿，（誰曉得寶貝女兒現在是十八變中的第幾變呢？）心 裏卻不由自主升起一股淡淡的敵意。也明知女兒正如將熟之瓜，終有一天會蒂落而去，卻希望不是隨眼前這自負的小子。
當然，四個女兒也自有不乖的時候，在惱怒的心情下，我就恨不得四個假想敵趕快出現，把她們統統帶走。 但是那一天真要來到時，我一定又會懊悔不已。我能夠想象，人生的兩大寂寞，一是退休之日，一是最小的孩子終於也結婚之後。宋淇有一天對我 說：「真羨慕你的女兒全在身邊！」真的嗎？至少目前我並不覺得，自己有什麼可羨之處。也許真要等到最小的季珊也跟著假想敵度蜜月去了，才會和我存並坐在空 空的長沙發上，翻閱她們小時相簿，追憶從前，六人一車長途壯遊的盛況，或是晚餐桌上，熱氣蒸騰，大家共享的燦爛燈光。人生有許多事情，正如船後的波紋，總 要過後才覺得美的。這麼一想，又希望那四個假想敵，那四個生手笨腳的小夥子，還是多吃幾口閉門羹，慢一點出現吧。
袁枚寫詩，把生女兒說成「情疑中副車」，這書袋掉得很有意思，卻也流露了重男輕女的封建意識。照袁枚 的說法，我是連中了四次副車，命中率夠高的了。余宅的四個小女孩現在變成了四個小婦人，在假想敵環伺之下，若問我擇婿有何條件，一時倒恐怕答不上來。沉吟 半晌，我也許會說：「這件事情，上有月下老人的婚姻譜，誰也不能竄改，包括韋固，下有兩個海誓山盟的情人，『二人同心，其利斷金』，我憑什麼要逆天拂人， 梗在中間？何況終身大事，神秘莫測，事先無法推理，事後不能悔棋，就算交給２１世紀的電腦，恐怕也算不出什麼或然率來。倒不如故示慷慨，偽作輕鬆，博一個 開明父親的美名，到時候帶顆私章，去做主婚人就是了。」
問的人笑了起來，指著我說：「什麼叫做『偽作輕鬆』？可見你心裏並不輕鬆。」
我當然不很輕鬆，否則就不是她們的父親了。例如人種的問題，就很令人煩惱。萬一女兒發癡，愛上一個聳肩攤手口香糖嚼個不停的小怪人，該怎麼辦呢？在 理性上，我願意「有婿無類」，做一個大大方方的世界公民。但是在感情上，還沒有大方到讓一個臂毛如猿的小夥子把我的女兒抱過門檻。
現在當然不再「嚴夷夏之防」的時代，但是一任單純的家庭擴充成一個小型的聯合國，也大可不必。問的人又笑了，問我可曾聽說混血兒的聰明超乎常人。我 說：「聽過，但是我不希罕抱一個天才的『混血孫』。我不要一個天才兒童叫我Grandpa，我要他叫我外公。」問的人不肯罷休：「那麼省籍呢？」
「省籍無所謂，」我說。「我就是蘇閩聯姻的結果，還不壞吧？當初我母親從福建寫信回武進，說當地有人向她求婚。娘家大驚小怪，說那麼遠！怎麼就嫁給 南蠻！後來娘家發現，除了言語不通之外，這位閩南姑爺並無 可疑之處。這幾年，廣東男孩鍥而不舍，對我家的壓力很大，有一天閩粵結成了秦晉，我也不會感到意外。如果有個臺灣少年特別巴結我，其志又不在跟我談文論 詩，我也不會怎麼為難他的。至於其他各省，從黑龍江直到雲南，口操各種方言的少年，只要我女兒不嫌他，我自然也歡迎。」
「那麼學識呢？」
「學什麼都可以。也不一定要是學者，學者往往不是好女婿，更不是好丈夫。只有一點：中文必須精通。中文不通，將禍延吾孫！」
客又笑了。「相貌重不重要？」他再問。
「你真是迂闊之至！」這次輪到我發笑了。「這種事，我女兒自己會注意，怎麼會要我來操心？」
笨客還想問下去，忽然門鈴響起。我起身去開大門，發現長髮亂處，又一個假想敵來掠余宅。
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Good and Evil
Do you see 'Good' or 'Evil'?
It is difficult sometimes to tell good from evil, isn't it?
Evil has a way of disguising itself as good.
It is difficult sometimes to tell good from evil, isn't it?
Evil has a way of disguising itself as good.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
God's Pharmacy
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born.
The following food are best & more powerful when eaten raw. (Don't think I can handle raw onions or garlic, though.)
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three dozens neuron-transmitters for brain function.
The following food are best & more powerful when eaten raw. (Don't think I can handle raw onions or garlic, though.)
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
Friday, May 08, 2009
When there is not enough
As you might know we are homeschooling Kioni, and we use the literature based curriculum - Sonlight.
We started Kioni's first grade (using Sonlight Core 1 curriculum) last September, she will have two more weeks, and then she is done.
Two months ago, we were planning her homeschooling, using Core 2 curriculum and advanced readers. I was considering how in the world would we be able to buy the curriculum and all the books that come with it. I know we can go to the library for the books, but so many of them are not available in a Scottish library, plus it is always a hit and miss.
I was praying and asking God as to how we will be able to pay for the books.
Then comes tax time.
We found out we got some money back for Kioni's education, plus since we don't have sufficient income, the tax return is enough for buying Kioni's books for next year's homeschooling! We even have a little left for Dan to buy the much needed books for him to do research for his PhD! (Ahhmmmm... no, they don't have the books that Dan needs in the University of Aberdeen library to do his research, the Divinity Department receives the least funding out of all the departments.)
God is good. When we thought we didn't have enough, He's there to save the day.
The homeschool materials arrived yesterday, and Kioni is enjoying the Magic Flute (music, opera singing and story telling) this morning. She has been sitting still (which I didn't think she is capable of) of over an hour listening to it!
God is good.
We started Kioni's first grade (using Sonlight Core 1 curriculum) last September, she will have two more weeks, and then she is done.
Two months ago, we were planning her homeschooling, using Core 2 curriculum and advanced readers. I was considering how in the world would we be able to buy the curriculum and all the books that come with it. I know we can go to the library for the books, but so many of them are not available in a Scottish library, plus it is always a hit and miss.
I was praying and asking God as to how we will be able to pay for the books.
Then comes tax time.
We found out we got some money back for Kioni's education, plus since we don't have sufficient income, the tax return is enough for buying Kioni's books for next year's homeschooling! We even have a little left for Dan to buy the much needed books for him to do research for his PhD! (Ahhmmmm... no, they don't have the books that Dan needs in the University of Aberdeen library to do his research, the Divinity Department receives the least funding out of all the departments.)
God is good. When we thought we didn't have enough, He's there to save the day.
The homeschool materials arrived yesterday, and Kioni is enjoying the Magic Flute (music, opera singing and story telling) this morning. She has been sitting still (which I didn't think she is capable of) of over an hour listening to it!
God is good.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Chill out, I got it!
I was chatting with my friend from seminary for the first time on Facebook, she asked me how we were doing in Aberdeen. Since we have been friends for 16 years, I did not hesitate to tell her that financially, we are tighter than ever. We need student loan to pay for Dan's tuition, the support of faithful churches and individuals to our ministry does help to pay the monthly rent, however, everyday expenses is still an uncertainty. It depends on the exchange rate, sometimes we have enough, sometimes we don't.
About a month or so after I shared it with my friend, she wrote to me saying that she is going to talk to a few people at her church to see if they would like to support us. I was quite surprised at her initiation, and extremely thankful, however, I was highly skeptical, wondering who in the world would support someone whom they have never heard of!
In fact, Dan and I were wondering if we should continue with this ministry, we would love to continue, because if only just one person is saved, it is all worth it. But if the funding is not sufficient, we just don't know how we can continue.
About a month after that email, she wrote to me again, telling me she has talked to three people and asked me to pray while they were making their decisions.
Not long after that, she told me one of the three potential supporters emailed her a list of questions, so I answered them all. My friend said when he decides that he is going to support us, he will write to me directly. A few days later, I got his email, he is going to support us! Not only that, he has made a 3 year committment, (depending on yearly review).
Now the interesting thing is, just days earlier, Dan and I were figuring out how we are going to pay for the ReachGlobal European Conference, which all missionaries in Europe have to attend.
Our account with ReachGlobal has two categories, one is our monthly salary, the second is ministry expense. The expenses of the conference can be taken out from the ministry expense, however, it can only be reimbursed when our overall account has over 4,000 USD in it.
The end of last year, our support level was low, and we had to stop our monthly salary for two months in order not to dip further down into the red. Since then, God has provided through various faithful supporters, and we are able to be paid monthly again. However, for another two months more, we cannot reimburse our ministry expenses, because we didn't have more than 4,000 USD in our account. What that means is that whatever ministry expenses we accumulate, we have to pay for them out of our salary. We are thankful that we do have enough to cover our ministry expense now, but paying for the whole trip for three people? That would put us right back into the hole!
However, ReachGlobal requires that we let them know our travel details before April 15th. Which means we have to book our plane tickets, train tickets, book hotel rooms, etc, with no time to figure out where the money will come from. Dan and I spent days online trying to get the cheapest plane tickets, we booked hostels, etc, but still wondering if, for the first time in my life, I will have to owe the credit card company money!
I was worried, my heart unsettled.
Little did I know, at the time when all those worries were overwhelming me, God has already prepared this supporter from afar, someone whom I have never met, never talked to, not even one direct email exchange, since we have been communicated once only, through my friend.
I didn't tell Dan about my friend's proposal because Dan tends to get quite stressed out when it is related to support. When I told him yesterday, he just laughed and said, "You have to thank Ella and tell her now we have money for groceries."
Then Dan started to wonder if our newest supporter knows "everything" about our ministry. I told him I think he knows as much as Ella knows, and as much as our newsletter has talked about. Then Dan said, "I wonder why he would support us without knowing EVERYTHING." (If you know Dan, you know how thorough a person he is.) I then answer him, "I think because God wants us to know it is not our efforts, our talks, our persuation that caused our supporters to support us, it is Him, and Him alone."
Not only God has provided financially, through Ella and this supporter, He is telling us that this ministry is to be continued. Keep on going even though the response might be slow. This is the biggest confirmation for me that we are to charge ahead, no matter what the outcome is.
When I thanked my friend Ella for what she has done, for her taking the initiation, for her not to say, "Go in peace, my sister," for her to follow up with actions. She wrote back and said, "Money is of so little significance in the God's kingdom."
I am surprised at how much worries I have gone through, while all these years, God has not failed, not even once, in taking care of us in every way. This has proven again that I am a person of little faith, but God doesn't condemn me for that, rather, He opens His arm and embraced me and tell me,
About a month or so after I shared it with my friend, she wrote to me saying that she is going to talk to a few people at her church to see if they would like to support us. I was quite surprised at her initiation, and extremely thankful, however, I was highly skeptical, wondering who in the world would support someone whom they have never heard of!
In fact, Dan and I were wondering if we should continue with this ministry, we would love to continue, because if only just one person is saved, it is all worth it. But if the funding is not sufficient, we just don't know how we can continue.
About a month after that email, she wrote to me again, telling me she has talked to three people and asked me to pray while they were making their decisions.
Not long after that, she told me one of the three potential supporters emailed her a list of questions, so I answered them all. My friend said when he decides that he is going to support us, he will write to me directly. A few days later, I got his email, he is going to support us! Not only that, he has made a 3 year committment, (depending on yearly review).
Now the interesting thing is, just days earlier, Dan and I were figuring out how we are going to pay for the ReachGlobal European Conference, which all missionaries in Europe have to attend.
Our account with ReachGlobal has two categories, one is our monthly salary, the second is ministry expense. The expenses of the conference can be taken out from the ministry expense, however, it can only be reimbursed when our overall account has over 4,000 USD in it.
The end of last year, our support level was low, and we had to stop our monthly salary for two months in order not to dip further down into the red. Since then, God has provided through various faithful supporters, and we are able to be paid monthly again. However, for another two months more, we cannot reimburse our ministry expenses, because we didn't have more than 4,000 USD in our account. What that means is that whatever ministry expenses we accumulate, we have to pay for them out of our salary. We are thankful that we do have enough to cover our ministry expense now, but paying for the whole trip for three people? That would put us right back into the hole!
However, ReachGlobal requires that we let them know our travel details before April 15th. Which means we have to book our plane tickets, train tickets, book hotel rooms, etc, with no time to figure out where the money will come from. Dan and I spent days online trying to get the cheapest plane tickets, we booked hostels, etc, but still wondering if, for the first time in my life, I will have to owe the credit card company money!
I was worried, my heart unsettled.
Little did I know, at the time when all those worries were overwhelming me, God has already prepared this supporter from afar, someone whom I have never met, never talked to, not even one direct email exchange, since we have been communicated once only, through my friend.
I didn't tell Dan about my friend's proposal because Dan tends to get quite stressed out when it is related to support. When I told him yesterday, he just laughed and said, "You have to thank Ella and tell her now we have money for groceries."
Then Dan started to wonder if our newest supporter knows "everything" about our ministry. I told him I think he knows as much as Ella knows, and as much as our newsletter has talked about. Then Dan said, "I wonder why he would support us without knowing EVERYTHING." (If you know Dan, you know how thorough a person he is.) I then answer him, "I think because God wants us to know it is not our efforts, our talks, our persuation that caused our supporters to support us, it is Him, and Him alone."
Not only God has provided financially, through Ella and this supporter, He is telling us that this ministry is to be continued. Keep on going even though the response might be slow. This is the biggest confirmation for me that we are to charge ahead, no matter what the outcome is.
When I thanked my friend Ella for what she has done, for her taking the initiation, for her not to say, "Go in peace, my sister," for her to follow up with actions. She wrote back and said, "Money is of so little significance in the God's kingdom."
I am surprised at how much worries I have gone through, while all these years, God has not failed, not even once, in taking care of us in every way. This has proven again that I am a person of little faith, but God doesn't condemn me for that, rather, He opens His arm and embraced me and tell me,
"Chill out, I got it!"
..
..
Friday, April 03, 2009
Nothing says Easter like...
A Tesco (UK grocery store) commercial says: Nothing says Easter like a warm, toasted hot-cross bun.
Well, of course you know Easter is more than that, Easter is also about colorful eggs, and kids running after them, cute bunny baskets, bunny chocolates, cards, flowers and everything that might put a smile on your face.
No one wants to remember Good Friday, who wants to remember the pain, the heartache, the betrayal, the isolation, the insult, the beatings, the thorns, the blood, the hole that was poked in Jesus' side, of course, please don't mention the three long rusty nails that held Him there until He suffocated.
Well, as for what happened next, it is just a story that was made-up. Jesus came back to life again, won over death? Easter bunnies are real. Jesus? Hmmm...
It is really really sad, that the majority of the people have forgotten, or in fact in most cases, choose to ignore, the meaning of Easter. The victorious resurrection of the Son of God is reduced to eggs, bunnies and chocolate. Jesus is totally out of the picture.
Don't get me wrong, I like hot-cross buns, colorful eggs, (still trying to find a egg dying kit for Kioni), chocolates and flowers. But minus Jesus' glorious victory over death, the colors on the eggs fade.
.
Well, of course you know Easter is more than that, Easter is also about colorful eggs, and kids running after them, cute bunny baskets, bunny chocolates, cards, flowers and everything that might put a smile on your face.
No one wants to remember Good Friday, who wants to remember the pain, the heartache, the betrayal, the isolation, the insult, the beatings, the thorns, the blood, the hole that was poked in Jesus' side, of course, please don't mention the three long rusty nails that held Him there until He suffocated.
Well, as for what happened next, it is just a story that was made-up. Jesus came back to life again, won over death? Easter bunnies are real. Jesus? Hmmm...
It is really really sad, that the majority of the people have forgotten, or in fact in most cases, choose to ignore, the meaning of Easter. The victorious resurrection of the Son of God is reduced to eggs, bunnies and chocolate. Jesus is totally out of the picture.
Don't get me wrong, I like hot-cross buns, colorful eggs, (still trying to find a egg dying kit for Kioni), chocolates and flowers. But minus Jesus' glorious victory over death, the colors on the eggs fade.
.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Paid
The crime show last night was about the Green River Killer - Gary Ridgway, one of the most notorious serial killers in the United States. In November of 2003 he pleaded guilty to 48 counts of aggravated murder, although he says he actually killed 90 women or more, almost all prostitutes. He started the killings in early 1980s, and for almost twenty years, he was able to evade the police. He has an IQ of 82, however, he was doing all the 'right things' to not to get caught. In exchange for not receiving the death penalty, he pleaded guilty to all those accounts of murders and disclose the location of some of the women he has buried.
At his sentencing, many family members were allowed to make statements in court to the killer of their beloved family members. One by one, they walked up to the stand and looked him in the eye with utter hatred and despise, cursing him with the worst possible words and thoughts.
"You belong in hell, and you will never come out of it."
"I hope you have a long, horrible, painful death, just like what you did to my sister."
Gary Ridgway sat there, listening to all of them with a stone cold face, not one ounce of remorse, not one of his face muscles moved.
Until the father of a young girl who was murdered stepped on the stand.
"There are many people who hate you in this room, but I am not one of them. Although you have made it very hard to live up to what I believe. My belief in God asks that I forgive you, and I do. I forgive you for killing my daughter. You are forgiven."
Before the father even finished, Gary Ridgway's mouth turned down, then he buried his face in his hands and started sobbing in the crowded courtroom.
This is the most dramatic scene I have seen on how powerful forgiveness is.
The lamb's blood covering us, and we are forgiven. What that father did was only possible because he knew he was forgiven himself, his own sin was paid in full when Jesus died on the cross.
Isn't this what the Chinese word 義 is all about? 羊 (lamb) over 我 (me), and it is 義 (justified).
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Feelings, nothing more than feelings...
Here are two lists of words describing our feelings by Center for Nonviolent Communication.
Notice the length of the two lists.
Feelings when your needs are satisfied
| AFFECTIONATE compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm CONFIDENT empowered open proud safe secure ENGAGED INSPIRED | EXCITED amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant EXHILARATED GRATEFUL | JOYFUL amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled PEACEFUL REFRESHED |
Feelings when your needs are not satisfied
| AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried ANNOYED ANGRY AVERSION CONFUSED | DISCONNECTED DISQUIET EMBARRASSED FATIGUE alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn | PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful SAD TENSE VULNERABLE YEARNING |
Saturday, March 14, 2009
An introverted city girl
Nightsky of Hong Kong vs. The North Sea
Writing to a professor at Trinity got me thinking about what I am actually. Most people who have had two words with me would immediately classify me as a flaming extrovert, but all the personality tests that I have done over the years, would put me, undoubtedly, in the introvert category, well, that sounds pretty hypocritical, doesn't it?The truth is, though I love everything about city life, e.g., convenient public transportation, museums, restaurants, shops, etc., I absolutely hate the crowd, the noise and everything else that come with living in a big city. I don't like partying and I haven't have urges to buy new clothes every so often. I do like to know that when I need to go to a museum, eat out at a restaurants and shop for towels, I have nice places to go. I like to have choices, though I don't necessarily utilize the power of making those choices very often. I miss living in Hong Kong, in D.C., and in Chicago, I miss what a metropolitan city has to offer, of having things to do and see when I want to do things and see things. I like to know exactly where I would go if I ever want to buy Elizabeth Arden Green Tea perfume. I like to be able to decide 10 minutes before dinner that I don't want to cook, and then walk down the street and eat out at an affordable restaurant with reasonably good food. I like to be able to go to a museum when I feel like being 'cultured'.
My favourite thing to do, in fact, is to stay home, dressed in my comfy clothes, and read. I could easily read for hours, it is so enjoyable to be lost in a book, just stopping to do the inevitable, "input" and "output". I was able to do have the reading life-style for a period of time before Dan decided to do this marathon studies, and before Kioni was born. This life-style, as unrealistic as it is, I intend to continue if I can.
I also like swimming laps, another "lost in time" experience. Swimming laps helps me think, the rhythm of my own breathing and water swooshing sounds are soothing. Long walks (2-3 hours) serves the same need, when I had MeMe dog, we took long walks everyday, but in later years of her life, she went blind, and the long walks stopped.
According to StrengthsFinder, I have the strength of intellection, which means, I need alone time, a lot of it, to think. That doesn't mean any earth-shattering idea would come out on the other end, I just need a lot of alone time to do my thinking. If I don't get it, I become irritable, depressed and feel absolutely stupid. And I haven't had a lot of alone time since Kioni was born, that means, I have been feeling stupid for the past 5 years.
All in all, if I have to decide if I want to live among the Scottish rolling hills with horse and sheep, or the concrete jungle in Hong Kong with smog and noise, I still would prefer Hong Kong, or D.C. for that matter. I can create my own oasis to hide in the concrete jungle, but it would take a lot to build a museum and a swimming pool in the Scottish rolling hills.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Family History 家族歷史
Eldest Aunt's wedding picture 大姑媽盧素德和大姑丈陳述文結婚照
My father is the first one on the left 我爸爸是左邊第一人
My father is the first one on the left 我爸爸是左邊第一人
Secret meeting of my two aunts and their children
Standing from left to right (Cousin 陳祥開, Aunt Ming 二姑媽盧素明, cousin陳祥國)
Standing from left to right (Cousin 陳祥開, Aunt Ming 二姑媽盧素明, cousin陳祥國)
Well, it turned out oral tradition was not quite accurate. While looking these old photos, my father recalled the circumstance surrounding my aunt and her family. My aunt married her husband before the Chinese Communist took over China. As seen in the photo, my uncle was in his military uniform. He was a military man, belonging to the First New Army (新一軍), which is under the Kuomintang 國民黨 (Republic of China) government, stationed in Sichuan 四川 province.
The cousin who sent me the pictures has send this new comment to my Facebook:
The First New Army was hailed as the "world's number one troop", because during World War II, the troop was stationed at the border of India and Burma, they not only stopped the Japanese from going further across the border, but also defeated the Japanese, saved the lives of 7,000 British troops. My uncle's oldest son 祥開 recalled even at places with signs that said "No Dogs or Chinese allowed", my uncle could go in without a problem. His superior, General Sun attended their wedding.
新一軍被稱為天下第一軍, 是因為在二次世界大戰時, 新一軍被派註印緬邊境, 截斷日軍的入侵, 打敗日軍, 救了7,000英軍, 所以號稱「天下第一軍」。祥開說「華人與狗不淮進入」的地方（有代考證）, 他父親都可以進。他父親是孫立人將軍的部下, 他父母親結婚時, 他說孫立人將軍也有出席。”
While Chinese Communist took over China, my father's family moved to Hong Kong upon losing their land and houses in Guangzhou, but my aunt refused to go with the family. She stayed in China and did not leave with the family because she believed in the New China. She named her children 開 (beginning, new) and 國 (country), she loved her country, she deeply believed that the Communist China would bring a brand new start to China. My eldest aunt visited Hong Kong once, her family urged her not to go back, she finally decided against it.
My uncle, obviously, didn't go with the troop to Taiwan when the Republic of China lost their battle with the Communist Party, probably because of my aunt's trust in the New China. They remained in Sichuan. But after some time, they went back to Guangzhou, where my aunt was from. When my grandmother heard about her whereabouts, she forbid her sons and daughter (my second aunt) to have any contact with her, she basically disowned her because she viewed her oldest daughter as "heartless" and "cold". I suspect that it was because of my aunt's politically view that made my grandmother very upset about her, and in turn, my aunt decided to stay in China instead of going to Hong Kong to be with the family. But my second aunt, out of sisterly love, secretly went to Guangzhou to meet her sister, even hauling her baby along (the one seen in the picture that was on my eldest aunt's lap.) That's when they took this picture, a secret meeting between two sisters, disregarding their mother's will.
I always heard that she died a horrible death from starvation during Great Leap Forward, but it turns out, it was far from that. She lived through the Great Leap Forward, because the picture was taken on 1963, that's after the Great Leap Forward, and three years before the Culture Revolution officially started.
My uncle (her husband), suffered greatly during the Cultural Revolution because of him being an army guy under the Kuomintang government, and tragically, he suffered tremendous criticisms under the hands of his own wife! The"verbal struggle" (文鬥) often turned into "physical struggle" (武鬥). I cannot imagine how he got through those 10 years of struggles, but he did, he lived to his 80s, he went to live in Hong Kong for a while, and died in China. My aunt was sick in the middle of the Cultural Revolution and died of kidney failure.
Their two young boys (my cousins) in this picture are now in their late 50s to early 60s, made their way to Hong Kong by holding onto a basketball and swam the shark infested South China Sea all the way from China to Hong Kong. They are married and are living in Hong Kong. I remember my father commented when they first arrived in Hong Kong that it would be difficult for them to make a life for themselves because they had very little education. The older one ended up being a truck driver (I believe) and still come to every family gathering we have. The younger one is street smart, he made a lot of money during the real estate boom, he still owns factories and big businesses in Hong Kong and China. However, he didn't bother to link up with the family, we have not seen him for a very long time.
It is intriguing to put the puzzles together.
我為何愛花....
This is a translation of what I wrote in our Jan-Feb 2009 newsletter.
因為花不作假。我以它們被創造的樣子來欣賞它們：簡潔、美艷、燦爛悅目的顏色和形狀，能把最有才華的畫家的作品比下來。然而，它們不會為你妥協：奶白色的玫瑰絕對不會因為你喜歡粉紅色而變為粉紅色，除非你強把花剪下來放入粉紅色的水中。它們全心全力地盛放幾天或幾個星期，然後它們的工作就完成了。自然界中有很多動物基於不同的原因會作假裝，主要原因是防護自己的生命，像變色龍或八爪魚那樣。相反地，人類假裝不單單是為了掩蓋真相，而且還故意造成別人的痛苦和傷害。為什麼呢？因為我們違背了上帝，犯了罪了、花郤沒有犯罪，花不能犯罪。花存在的目的是要彰顯神的榮耀，花不作假，只是靜靜地從土裏生長出來，展示令人眼花繚亂的美態。
這就是我喜歡花的原因。春天來了，是鮮花綻放的時節。我喜歡替花拍照，捕捉花的美姿，因為我每次通過鏡頭看見花的時候，它們提醒我耶穌所說的話：（馬太福音第六章）
「你們那一個能用思慮使壽數多加一刻呢？何必為衣裳憂慮呢？你想野地裡的百合花怎麼長起來；他也不勞苦，也不紡線。然而我告訴你們，就是所羅門極榮華的時候，他所穿戴的，還不如這花一朵呢！..... 所以，不要憂慮說：吃甚麼？喝甚麼？穿甚麼？..... 你們需用的這一切東西，你們的天父是知道的。你們要先求他的國和他的義，這些東西都要加給你們了。所以，不要為明天憂慮，因為明天自有明天的憂慮；一天的難處一天當就夠了。」
Monday, March 09, 2009
誰畫的？Who painted it?
有見過這麼美的小鳥嗎？牠的名字叫 Painted Bunting，是誰畫出這麼美豔的衣飾？
馬太福音6:26 「你們看那天上的飛鳥，也不種，也不收，也不積蓄在倉裡，你們的天父尚且養活他。你們不比飛鳥貴重得多麼？」
Have you ever seen a bird that beautiful? Wow! Its name is Painted Bunting. Who painted its stunning coat?
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26
http://birdsbybaranoff.com
馬太福音6:26 「你們看那天上的飛鳥，也不種，也不收，也不積蓄在倉裡，你們的天父尚且養活他。你們不比飛鳥貴重得多麼？」
Have you ever seen a bird that beautiful? Wow! Its name is Painted Bunting. Who painted its stunning coat?
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26
http://birdsbybaranoff.comFriday, March 06, 2009
How to be original
Even in literature and art,no man who bothers about originality will ever be original:
whereas if you simply try to tell the truth
(without caring twopence how often it has been told before)
you will, nine times out of ten,
become original without ever having noticed it.
C.S. Lewis
Ah, that's why people are still reading his books.
.
.
(without caring twopence how often it has been told before)
you will, nine times out of ten,
become original without ever having noticed it.
C.S. Lewis
Ah, that's why people are still reading his books.
.
.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
When you are desperate...
You have heard of what crazy things people do when they are desperate, like rob the bank, kill their wives for insurance money, or drink your own urine when you are totally out of water while you are lost at sea. For me, I decided I am going to cut my own hair.
Well, today started out as a very different day. When I woke up at 7:30, looking into the mirror when I washed my face, I could stand my hair anymore. I need a haircut!
With no proper hair-cutting tools, I took Kioni's craft scissors, a mirror and the extra shower curtain out to the backyard. It was cold, my fingers don't work very well, but I was determined to conquer the mess.
Four hours later, it's done! I am happy with it, and will definitely do it again. I saved myself some money, and most important of all, I got the satisfaction of creating something on my head, that was a great feeling.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Letting Go
Picture from www.janicemarinerward.comKioni is playing outside with her two neighbour friends. Dan wrote a google chat to me saying that it is difficult to see our only child playing out there, all by herself, not needing our help or constant care at all. There comes a time when parents realize that their children are not little anymore, it is time to let go, but each step is hard, because that represents independancy, something that the parents are so used to the day the child was born. Different stages of the child's life will require different kinds of letting go, right now for us, it is just letting her playing outside without checking on her every 5 minutes.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Gadget
We received this today from a Freecycler, made a bit of popcorn and they tasted just as they should, minus the butter and salt, clean up is just an easy wipe. Though I like grease and salt, this is good for Kioni because she tends to eat too much popcorn whenever she gets her hand on them.This gadget is real easy, just pour some popcorn kernel in there, turn it on, and they came flying out of the chute after hot air pops the popcorn.
They have a gadget for anything you do in the kitchen. Some of them are plain waste of money, but this one is agreeable to use, because it is MUCH better than popping popcorn in a pot with oil and mess.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
When that day comes....
When that day comes, when we don't move to another continent every few years, then I will start growing a bonsai. I always love Japanese Maple, I think this is what I am going to grow, a Japanese Maple bonsai. Let's see if that day will come. If upon research that growing a bonsai is more than I can handle, maybe just a regular Japanese Maple in the backyard, if we have a yard wherever we are living.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Prepared
"We forgot half of things they teach us at school (high school), but we remember every episode the bullies did to us." - from Criminal Minds
Bullies exist everywhere, they can be 5 years old or 50 years old, they are just really pitiful people who needs attention but not getting it anywhere. We need to know how to deal with them, and we need to handle them with care. I am glad that I am homeschooling Kioni, at least, I can teach her a few more years about life and the evilness in life before she has to face it herself. No mother can protect their children from facing the inevitable, but I can help her better prepared for it.
Bullies exist everywhere, they can be 5 years old or 50 years old, they are just really pitiful people who needs attention but not getting it anywhere. We need to know how to deal with them, and we need to handle them with care. I am glad that I am homeschooling Kioni, at least, I can teach her a few more years about life and the evilness in life before she has to face it herself. No mother can protect their children from facing the inevitable, but I can help her better prepared for it.
狗媽媽Izzy
這是唯一的小狗女
在美國的奶奶去年七月份收養了一隻拉布拉多獵犬狗女 Izzy，她是導盲狗協會的狗，但是 Izzy 本身不會做導盲狗，郤被定命了做導盲狗媽媽，協會說 Izzy 身體十分健康，有良好基因，所以選中她做媽媽。跟 Izzy 相處了一會之後發現，可能是因為她天性特別活潑好動，又有獨立思想，所以可能不容易受訓練，選她做媽媽比較好。今年一月底，Izzy 生了第一批小狗，八隻小狗，七男一女，全都健康活潑，十分愛吃。祺祺笑說他們是Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. （雪姑七友）
我十分愛狗，真想抱一隻回家。可是這些小狗都是導盲犬協會的，長大後都會做導盲狗。
Izzy 還要多生幾胎才會完成她的「責任」，之後，我奶奶就會全權擁有她了。
人真是厲害，懂得怎樣利用動物去幫助我們。狗也真奇怪，願意合作。是猫的話，睬你都傻。
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Inspiration from a diamond rose
I often wonder how it would be like for people who can basically walk into a store and buy ANYTHING they want, price is not a issue, because there will always be money at their disposal. I finally have a taste of that when playing with Growing Gift in Facebook.
You can send Growing Gifts to friends, and it is particularly attractive to someone like me, who cannot resist plants and flowers. The trick is, you only have so many seeds to 'buy' the flowers, they all have a 'price'. The more special it is, the more seeds it requires.
Now, the one 'plant' that costs the most seeds, is a rose that is made of diamond. It costs 1000 seeds. Which is hard to obtain, and even if you get that many seeds, you have to weight if you want to spend it all on one plant, or if you would rather use it on other plants.
I surprisingly, found a way to obtain as many seeds as I want, legally (I am not breaking any Facebook rules, nor am I hacking in anything. (Well, not like I can hack into anything even if I want to.) I just found a way. Which in just one night by working hard on it, I obtained over a thousand seeds, and in the process of doing that, I also benefited my friends. After a while, I gradually accumulated several thousand seeds.
The big question comes: Do I want to spend a thousand seeds on the diamond rose? Does it even worth it?
Suddenly, I understand why rich people might not necessarily be happy with all they have.
They are not happy because the diamond rose that costs 1000 seeds are not that special anymore. Yes, I worked hard in obtaining it, but now, it is in my pocket, what's next? They don't have anything that costs more than 1000 seeds.
I suddenly understand why Michael Phelps smokes marijuana and drink excessively. After you reach the top, where are you going to go next?
.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Chinese restaurants
In the U.S., "authentic" Chinese restaurants often serve Szechuan food, Chop Suey and Pizza, and of course, the one and only "fortune cookies."
In Scotland, we see "Chinese" restaurants serving Chinese Take Away and "Fish and Chips". (In the photo above, I guess they permanently run out of fish.)
Now, with the hints above, guess where the following "Chinese" restaurants are located:
Chinese food + tortilla
Chinese food + sushi
Chinese food + paella
Chinese food + creme brulee
So how is your world cuisine knowledge? See answer below.
Answer: (mexico, japan, spain, france)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
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